I am what you might call a classic conflict avoider. At even the hint of disagreement with a friend or colleague, I become like Ferdinand Magellan steering a course of circumnavigation rather than risking a direct hit. Searching for seas of common ground, rather than rift valleys, I employ all the strategies and techniques I can think of to mediate a conflict–including giving way on opinions or convictions in order to maintain the peace. I do not confess this with any sense of pride. While negotiation is a valuable skill, I too often err on the side of compromise. More times than I care to admit, I believed that saving the relationship required giving way and giving in.

It came as something of a revelation, therefore, when I began to notice how much conflict is at the center of the Judeo-Christian tradition. The Jewish tradition, in particular, understands that wrestling with God—questioning God, disagreeing with God—is a sign of the health of the relationship. Indeed, Israel gets its name from the famous all-night wrestling match between Jacob and an unknown figure. At the end of the match, Jacob’s name is changed to Israel, which means ‘one who has striven or wrestled with God and prevailed.’

Focusing specifically on some of the wonderful conversations (or wrestling matches) between human beings and God recorded in the Bible offers many rich and fascinating examples. For example, the first time we hear Abraham speak with God, he expresses doubt even though God has just promised to give him a great reward.(1) O Lord God, what will you give me, since I am childless? These are the very first recorded words of Abraham and they question what possible reward God could give since God had not yet rewarded him with children. As far as we are told from the biblical story, Abraham left his country and family of origin without question; he heard God’s great promise of a great nation and blessing without any question or doubt. Yet his first recorded words question God. Later, Abraham would bargain with God for the salvation of Sodom and Gomorrah. Bargain with God?

Moses also wrestles with God over his call to deliver the Hebrew people in his encounter with the Almighty in the burning bush.(2) Despite seeing a bush burning with fire but not consumed, despite seeing his shepherd’s staff transformed into a serpent, and despite seeing his hand become leprous and then healed of leprosy, Moses fires back question after question and challenge after challenge to the God revealed specially and uniquely to him: I AM THAT I AM; I WILL BE WHO I WILL BE. Moses appears not to recognize his conversation partner, the God of his father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, as he questions God repeatedly in their dramatic conversation:

Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the sons of Israel out of Egypt? Now they may say to me, ‘What is God’s name?’ What shall I say to them? What if they will not believe me, or listen to what I say? Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue. Please Lord, send someone else to do it.(3)

Even after all God has revealed, all the miraculous signs God has given to convince Moses that God will be with him to help him accomplish the deliverance of the Israelites from bondage and slavery, Moses still questions and doubts his own ability. Remarkably, God concedes to Moses, and appoints Aaron, the brother of Moses, as the mouthpiece for the reluctant prophet.

How remarkable that these kinds of conversations are preserved in the pages of Scripture. How encouraging that even the one who was called “a friend of God” wondered about God’s faithfulness to him. How encouraging that those who saw God’s miraculous power would still question and wonder and wrestle with God over divine plans and purposes. For a conflict avoider, such as me, these are very encouraging passages indeed. Even what I might consider a “bad” conversation matters to God.

As the narrative of Scripture continues we hear complaint, lament, question, and argumentation that we could hardly imagine, let alone speak before the Almighty. The encounter between Jacob and God in their wilderness wrestling would be a metaphor for the relationship of Israel with her God. Wrestling must matter to God: Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Job, the psalmists, and the prophets provide us with rich and engaging narratives of authentic, challenging, questioning, and even argumentative conversation with God. This is good news for a conflict avoider like me. Despite all the wrestling matches, God still spoke to Moses face to face as a man speaks with his friend.(1) Perhaps the way we talk with God illuminates the depth of our friendship.

Margaret Manning Shull is a member of the speaking and writing team at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Bellingham, Washington.

(1) Gen. 15:1.

(2) See Exodus 3-4.

(3) Exodus 3:11, 13; 4:1, 10, 13.

(4) Ex. 33:11.

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