Category Archives: Night Light – James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Time and Wisdom

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“For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have.” 2 Corinthians 8:12

Generosity comes in many forms. One version is material gifts. Another is the sharing of our time and wisdom. I (jcd) recall the example of one man who gave up two hours and influenced my life for years. When I was in college, my aunt heard a speech by a well‐known Christian psychologist, Dr. Clyde Narramore. “We need Christian young men and women in the field of mental health,” Dr. Narramore said to the audience. “If you know of promising students who are interested, I’ll be glad to meet with them.” My aunt told me of this invitation, and I called Dr. Narramore for an appointment. He graciously agreed to see me, even though he was busy and didn’t know me from Adam.

As we talked in his living room, he laid out a plan for how I could become a psychologist. It’s been over forty years since that conversation took place, yet I still remember the advice he gave me that day. It shaped the next five years of my life and helped channel me into a profession I love.

You may not have the financial means to help people in need, but you can offer them your time and insights. It may be just what they need to point them in the right direction.

Just between us…

  • Who has influenced us through their gifts of time and wisdom?
  • In what areas do we have expertise, insights, or available time that might help someone else?
  • Who do we know who might benefit from our generosity?

Heavenly Father, tonight we reach for a truly generous life together. Guide and strengthen our willingness to share. Thank You for putting us on earth for something bigger and more meaningful than our own comfort or happiness. Amen.

  • From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Ragamuffin Brother

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by Ron Mehl

Roy Angel was a dirt‐poor preacher with a millionaire brother. Back in the oil boom days of the late 1940s, Roy’s older brother happened to own the right piece of Texas prairie at the right time. When he sold, he became a multimillionaire overnight. Parlaying that good fortune, the elder Angel made some strategic investments in the stock market and then cashed in on several mushrooming business enterprises. He moved into the penthouse of a large apartment building in New York City and managed his investments from a posh Wall Street office.

A week before Christmas one year, the wealthy businessman visited his preacher‐brother in Chicago and presented him with a new car—a gleaming, top‐of‐the‐line Packard. Roy always kept his new car down the street in a parking garage, under the careful eye of an attendant. That’s why when he came to get his Packard one morning, he was surprised to see a ragamuffin ghetto boy with his face pressed up against one of the car windows. The little boy wasn’t doing anything suspicious; he was obviously just peering into the new car’s interior with wide, admiring eyes.

“Hello, son,” Roy said. The boy spun around and looked at him. “Is this your car, mister?” “Yes,” Roy replied, “it is.” “How much did it cost?” “Well, I really don’t know.” The boy’s face registered surprise. “You mean, you own this car, and you don’t know how much it cost?” “No, I don’t—because my brother gave it to me. As a present.” At this the boy’s eyes grew even wider. He thought for a moment, and then said wistfully, “I wish… I wish….” Roy thought he knew how the boy would finish the sentence. He

thought he was going to say, “I wish I had a brother like that.”

But he didn’t. The boy looked up at Roy and said, “I wish… I wish I could be a brother like that.”

That intrigued the minister, and because those were more innocent times, he said, “Well, son, would you like to take a ride?”

The boy immediately replied, “You bet!”

So they got in the car together, exited the parking garage, and drove slowly down the street. The little boy ran his hand across the soft fabric of the front seat, inhaled the new‐car smell, touched the shiny metal of the dashboard. Then he looked at his new friend and said, “Mister, would you—could you—take me by my house? It’s just a few blocks from here.”

Again, Roy assumed he knew what the lad had in mind. He thought the boy wanted to show off the car he was riding in to some of the neighborhood kids. He thought, Well, why not? So at his young passenger’s direction, Roy pulled up in front of an old, run‐down tenement building.

“Mister,” the boy said as they stopped at the curb, “would you stay here just a minute? I’ll be right back!”

Roy let the car idle as the boy rushed upstairs and disappeared.

After about ten minutes, the preacher began to wonder where the boy had taken himself. He got out of the car and looked up the unlighted stairwell. As he was looking up the dark stairs, he heard someone slowly coming down. The first thing he saw emerging from the gloom was two limp little legs. A moment later, Roy realized it was the little boy carrying an even smaller boy, evidently his younger brother.

The boy gently sat his brother down on the curb. “See?” he said with satisfaction. “It’s just like I told you. It’s a brand new car. His brother gave it to him, and someday I’m going to buy you a car just like that!”

Looking ahead…

In this story of two benevolent brothers, the millionaire certainly gave a nice present—but it’s the little boy who is the better example of a generous spirit. How many children dream of giving a new car to their brother or sister? Somehow I get the feeling that this little fellow wouldn’t squander a fortune if it came his way later in life.

During the coming week, we’ll be talking about the incredible power of generosity for good—both inside our marriage and in our relationships with others. Tonight I leave you with a question: Do you have a generous spirit?

– James C Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples  – A Little Girl, Hiding

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“You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God.” 1 Peter 2:9

I see a little girl skipping home from school in the late afternoon sun. Her dress is a hand‐me‐down intended for someone two sizes larger. Her shoes are unpolished, and her socks no longer have elastic around the top. She crosses a barren yard to reach her destination—a small house badly in need of paint and repair.

The walls inside the home are patched with brown butcher paper and paint to conceal where the little girl’s father punched holes with his fist. The father frequently stumbles home in the middle of the night, smelling of alcohol, then wakes the little girl with shouts and threats against her mother. Sometimes the little girl hides from her father.

One day the little girl is driven home from a friend’s birthday party. She asks to be let out in front of a clean house with a well‐manicured lawn. She marches up the driveway and waves good‐bye to her friends— but as soon as the car rounds the corner, she turns and walks several blocks to her real home. She’s learned to hide her disgrace from others; on the inside, however, she feels ashamed, depressed, and worthless.

God, however, blesses the little girl. Her mother’s wisdom and love sustain her. The mother insists that she attend church, where the little girl learns about Jesus and invites Him into her heart and life. When the little girl grows up and goes to college, she falls in love with a man who promises to do his best to make her happy and build her up under God’s direction. And he does.

This story is deeply familiar to me because I was that little girl. Children who grow up in homes where they are loved and appreciated, where discipline and accountability are properly balanced with democracy and openness, develop a healthy sense of self‐worth that usually carries into adulthood. But those of us who didn’t experience this kind of childhood may need an extra dose of understanding from our marital partner. No matter what your spouse’s background is, I pray you’ll provide that support for the little boy or girl you’re married to.

– Shirley M Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Divine Decree

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“God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

We’ve talked about the powerful influence others have on the way we see ourselves. Yet we should always remember that true value is granted by the One who created us in the first place. There is no greater sense of self‐worth than knowing that He is acquainted with me personally; that He values me more than the possessions of the entire world; that He understands my fears and anxieties; that He reaches out to me when no one else cares; that He can turn my liabilities into assets and my emptiness into fullness; and that He has a place prepared for me—one where earthly pain and suffering will be but a dim memory.

Indeed, the Lord of the universe places so much value on us that He gave His life to save us. What a fantastic message of hope and encouragement for those who are broken and discouraged! This is self‐worth at its richest—dependent not on the whims of birth or physical attractiveness or social judgment, but on the decree of our loving Lord.

Just between us…

  • Do we base our self‐image on the Lord’s divine decree?
  • What is it that really makes you feel valuable?
  • Do I let you know often enough how much I value you?
  • How can I better show how much I appreciate you?
  • How can we remember that our worth as human beings is determined not by what we do or how we look or what we own, but by the fact that we are children of God?

Lord, we want so much to view ourselves and others from an eternal perspective. May we build our lives together on Your grand scheme, not on what is temporary and insignificant. Help us to live each day by the truth of Your divine decree. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples  – Fickle Values

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“I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

I f I (jcd) were to draw a caricature of an adult experiencing a lifelong crisis of confidence, I would depict a bowed, weary traveler. Over his shoulder, I would place the end of a mile‐long chain attached to tons of garbage. Inscribed on each piece of junk would be the details of some humiliation—a failure, a rejection, an embarrassment from the past. The traveler could let go of the chain, but he is convinced that he must drag that heavy load throughout life.

If this describes your own self‐concept, realize that you can free yourself from the weight of your chain. You have judged yourself inferior based on shifting standards. In the 1920s, women asked plastic surgeons to reduce their breast size—now many women undergo surgery to do just the opposite. In King Solomon’s biblical love song, the bride asked her groom to overlook her dark, well‐tanned skin—but in our country today, she’d be the pride of the beach. Rembrandt painted overweight ladies, but now, “thin is in.”

To be content with who we are as God’s creations, we must base our self‐image on His values, not on the fickle notions of human worth.

Just between us…

  • Do you ever feel like the weary traveler described above?
  • Do you sometimes feel that even God couldn’t love you?
  • What feelings of inferiority or inadequacy do you carry around? What would God say about your “junk”?
  • Do I help to elevate your opinion of yourself, or am I part of the problem?

Lord, open our eyes to the half-truths and lies about ourselves that keep us in chains. We are made in Your image. May we affirm that beautiful truth in each other daily. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Black Sunday

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“If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” Luke 17:4

Every family has moments they’d rather forget—moments that later call for understanding and forgiveness. When our children lived at home, we found that Sunday was often the most frustrating day of the week, especially during the “get ’em ready for church” routine. But Black Sunday was uniquely chaotic!

Jim and I began the day by getting up late, which meant that everyone had to rush to prepare for church. Then there was the matter of spilled milk at breakfast and the black shoe polish on the floor. Finally, Ryan, who was dressed first, managed to slip out the back door and get himself dirty from head to toe. As these irritations mounted, the criticism and accusations flew back and forth. At least one spanking was delivered and another three or four were promised.

After the Sunday evening service we called the family together. We described the day we’d had and asked each person to forgive us for our part in it. We also gave each member of the family a chance to express his or her feelings. Ryan was given his first shot, and he fired it at me. “You’ve been a real grouch today, Mom!” he said with feeling. “You’ve blamed me for everything all day long.” Danae then poured out her hostilities and frustrations. Finally, Jim and I had an opportunity to explain the tensions that had caused our overreaction. It was a valuable time of ventilation and honesty that drew us together once more. We then had prayer as a family and asked the Lord to help us live and work together in love and harmony.

No matter how hard we try, we will experience times when we fail to live up to our Christian principles. When those times arrive, discussion and forgiveness are the best methods for soothing wounded relationships. I urge you at those moments to actively seek forgiveness from each other and from God and freely offer forgiveness in return.

While you’re at it, forgive yourself. If God can post a “No Fishing” sign by the sea where your sins are thrown, then so can you and I. –  Shirley M Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – The Cost of Bitterness

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“I tell you, [forgive] not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:22

Just as we must act on Scripture’s instruction to forgive, we should also consider the great cost of failing to do so. Withholding forgiveness brings on bitterness, which Neal T. Anderson says is like “battery acid in the soul.” It leads to anger, resentment, depression, health problems, isolation, struggles with addictions, and more. It continues to haunt the person until he or she comes to terms with it. People who hang on to bitterness cause more pain to themselves than to the targets of their wrath.

A second cost is equally distressing. Jesus told a parable of an unmerciful servant who, after his master forgave him a large debt, demanded payment of a small debt from another servant. The master had the first servant thrown into jail and tortured. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you,” Jesus said, “unless you forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:35).

For couples who want to follow God’s way for marriage and who hope for His best in their relationship, forgiveness is not just a suggestion. It is a spiritual commandment!

Just between us…

  • Why is failing to forgive more damaging to us than to the one who wronged us?
  • Are either of us bitter about something today? Why?
  • What steps of forgiveness can we take together?
  • How can we avoid bitterness in the future?

Dear Lord, You have spoken plainly about the consequences of withholding forgiveness. Help us to hear You and obey. May we please You and bless each other with our quickness to forgive at all times. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – “The Face of My Enemy”

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“The Face of My Enemy”

by Corrie ten Boom

It was in a church in Munich that I saw him—a balding, heavy‐set man in a gray overcoat, a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken and moving along the rows of wooden chairs to the door at the rear. The year was 1947, and I had come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives.

This was the truth they needed most to hear in that bitter, bombed‐out land, and I gave them my favorite mental picture. Maybe because the sea is never far from a Hollander’s mind, I liked to think that that’s where forgiven sins were thrown. “When we confess our sins,” I said, “God casts them into the deepest ocean, gone forever. And even though I cannot find a Scripture for it, I believe God then places a sign out there that says, ‘NO FISHING ALLOWED.’”

The solemn faces stared back at me, not quite daring to believe. There were never questions after a talk in Germany in 1947. People stood up in silence, collected their wraps in silence, left the room in silence.

And that’s when I saw him working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights, the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!

The place was Ravensbruck, and the man who was making his way forward had been a guard—one of the cruelest guards.

Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: “A fine message, Fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!”

And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women?

But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face‐to‐face with one of my captors, and my blood seemed to freeze. “You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,” he was saying. “I was a guard there.” No, he did not remember me. “But since that time,” he went on, “I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein”—again the hand came out—“will you forgive me?”

And I stood there—I whose sins had again and again needed to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow, terrible death simply by the asking?

It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.

For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. “If you do not forgive men their trespasses,” Jesus says, “neither will your Father in Heaven forgive your trespasses.”

I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were also able to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and horrible as that.

And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that, too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. Jesus, help me! I prayed silently. I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.

So, woodenly and mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, and sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

“I forgive you, brother!” I cried. “With all my heart.”

For a long moment, we grasped each other’s hands—the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then. But even so, I realized it was not my love. I had tried and did not have the power. It was the power of the Holy Spirit as recorded in Romans 5:5: “Because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

Looking ahead…

I can’t imagine any situation or circumstance in which the obligation to forgive would be more difficult than the one Corrie faced. She had lived with routine murder, humiliation, cruelty, and starvation at the hands of the man who now faced her. Every natural impulse—every angry emotion—would cry out for revenge against her former tormentor. She still carried with her the images of her father, emaciated sister, and other family members who died at the hands of the Nazis. I wonder if I could have had the moral strength to forgive this guard and release the passion for revenge and retribution. Yet, Corrie ten Boom was able to do just that and thereby show the world what Jesus meant by His commandment to “turn the other cheek.”

Here’s the question of the hour: If Corrie ten Boom could forgive her captors—and if Jesus could forgive the Roman soldiers and you and me for killing Him on the cross—can’t we find it in our hearts to forgive the mistakes and hurtful actions of our imperfect mate? We absolutely must, or we’ll become pathetic invalids trapped by bitterness and hate.

– James C Dobson

  • From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
  • “The Face of My Enemy” by Corrie ten Boom. Taken from The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom with John and Elizabeth Sherrill. Used by permission of Chosen Books LLC, Chappaqua, N.Y.
Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Fight Fair

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“Remind the people… to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all.” Titus 3:1–2

Since some conflict in marriage is inevitable, learning to fight fair just might be the most important skill a couple can master. The key is to understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy combat. In an unstable marriage, hostility is aimed at the partner’s soft underbelly with comments such as “You never do anything right!” “Why did I marry you in the first place?” and “You’re getting more like your mother every day!”

These offensive remarks strike at the heart of self‐worth. Healthy conflict, by contrast, focuses on the issues that cause disagreement: “It upsets me when you don’t tell me you’re going to be late for dinner,” or “I was embarrassed when you made me look foolish at the party last night.” Can you hear the difference?

Even though these approaches may be equally contentious, the first assaults the dignity of the partner, while the second addresses the source of conflict. Couples who learn this important distinction are much better prepared to work through disagreements without wounds and insults.

Just between us…

  • When we have a fight, are we more likely to attack the person and miss the problem, or to attack the problem and protect the person?
  • What did Jesus say about yielding to others when we are unfairly attacked or criticized? (See Matthew 5:38–41; Luke 6:27–31.)
  • How would doing a better job of fighting fair help our relationship?
  • How can we support each other in doing this?

Father, we need Your help to show love and respect while we resolve differences. We don’t want disagreements to hurt the relationship You’ve graciously given us. We know Your power and wisdom can be ours each day, and we humbly ask for them. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Differing Assumptions

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“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus.” Romans 15:5

As in last night’s story, “The Argument,” a difficult day can quickly lead to an unnecessarily heated exchange between spouses. Fatigue, problems with the kids or job, illness, or financial worries can make anyone more susceptible to a fight. So can the condition I (jcd) call “differing assumptions.” For example, after a particularly grueling series of speaking appear‐

ances some years ago, I came dragging home on Friday night feeling I’d earned a day off. I planned to watch a USC‐Alabama football game on TV the next day. That seemed like a reasonable plan for a guy who had been out earning a living day and night. Shirley, on the other hand, had been running our home and watching the kids for six weeks and felt it was time I pitched in on a few chores. It was entirely reasonable for Shirley to think that she deserved some help at home after doing “domestic duty” for six weeks. Our assumptions collided about ten o’clock Saturday morning. Harsh words froze our relationship for three days. It was a stupid fight, but understandable in light of factors like overwork, fatigue, selfishness, and very different views of what the other was thinking.

When we’re making our own plans we need to remember to consider our partner’s mental and physical state. During stressful circumstances, we should take extra care to communicate our expectations ahead of time.

Just between us…

  • Have differing assumptions caused us to argue recently?
  • How can I do a better job of being aware of your mood?
  • Do we communicate our expectations ahead of time?

Lord, by Your Spirit, help us to be aware of each other’s needs and to take care in our communication. Draw us together in unity and in love of You. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Your Father’s Arms

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“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father… encourage your hearts and strengthen you.” 2 Thessalonians 2:16–17

A talented young athlete, the son of a star baseball player, was struggling in the minor leagues and expected to be released any day. During one game, he came to bat having already struck out once and quickly rang up two more strikes. Then the catcher trotted away for a conference with the pitcher. The umpire, standing behind the plate, spoke to the young man. “You hold the bat just the way your dad held it,” he said. “I can see his genes in you. You have your father’s arms.” On the next pitch, the young man knocked the ball out of the park. His play improved remarkably, and soon he was called up to the major leagues. When asked what changed his game, the young man gave credit to the umpire’s words. “After that,” he explained, “whenever I swung the bat, I just imagined that I was using Dad’s arms instead of my own.”

In your ministry of encouragement in your marriage, remember to use your Father’s arms. Maybe you recall the biblical example of Barnabas, whose name means “son of encouragement.” The Bible says he was “full of the Holy Spirit and faith” (Acts 11:24), and his gift was invaluable in helping the apostle Paul lead others to Christ during their missionary journeys.

Do you sometimes feel inadequate to help others? God Himself is ready to encourage you—and to bless you with His strength to encourage those you love.

Just between us…

  • What’s your favorite form of encouragement?
  • In what ways do I encourage you without words?
  • How can we best tap into God’s resources to encourage each other?

Almighty God, thank You for Your gifts of encouragement and comfort to us. Help us to draw on Your strength as we encourage one another. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples  – Error Or Opportunity?

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“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” Proverbs 12:25

Many years ago, at what was then Standard Oil Company, an executive’s mistake cost the firm more than two million dollars. On the day the news leaked, the firm’s employees feared the wrath of the powerful head of the company—John D. Rockefeller—and found various ways to avoid him. One partner, however, kept his previously scheduled appointment. When he walked into the president’s office, he saw Rockefeller writing on a pad of paper.

“Oh, it’s you, Bedford,” Rockefeller said calmly. “I suppose you’ve heard about our loss?” The partner said that he had. “I’ve been thinking it over,” Rockefeller said, “and before I ask the man to discuss the matter, I’ve been making some notes.” Across the top of the page was written, “Points in favor of Mr. ________.” There followed a long list of the man’s virtues, including a description of how the executive had helped the firm make the right decision on three separate occasions. Since the earnings from these decisions had added up to many times the cost of the recent error, Rockefeller told Bedford that he had decided to seize the opportunity to encourage the executive instead of censure him.

The next time your spouse fails you, you could cut him or her down in a torrent of angry words… or you could see a golden opportunity to encourage.

Just between us…

  • When was I most encouraging to you during a crisis?
  • Is there a particular Scripture verse you cling to during tough times?

Lord, we so often underestimate how much influence our words can have. We ask for wisdom to speak encouragement—especially when criticism might be expected. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Transforming Love

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“In all our distress and persecution we were encouraged…” 1 Thessalonians 3:7

When I (jcd) was thirteen, we adopted the most wonderful dog in the world. Penny, as we called him, was smart and obedient. He loved everybody, and everybody loved him. But when I went off to college and my parents moved, our family reluctantly decided to give Penny away to another family. After a while, Penny decided that my father wasn’t coming back. The dog began to grieve. In fact, he seemed to give up on life, and before long, arthritis and other problems left him paralyzed. When my father heard about

Penny’s sad state, he drove seven hundred miles to bring him home. He found our dog curled up in a little ball, unable to move. But Penny’s tiny stub of a tail thrashed wildly when he saw his master. Remarkably, with the love and attention my parents began to shower on him, Penny recovered. Within two weeks of returning home, he was running and jumping. He lived eleven more years without another sign of arthritis!

This story about our family dog reminds me that if even a mutt needs love and encouragement to stay alive, then so does every human being on the face of the earth. We are social beings, designed to depend on God and each other. Yet some of us are curled up in a pitiful little ball of discouragement. Every day we have the power to bring life by giving encouragement to others—or we can ignore their needs and think only of ourselves. The choice is ours.

Just between us…

  • Has my encouragement ever made you feel transformed or “healed”?
  • Who might be transformed by a little encouragement from us?

Lord, open our eyes to others’ need for attention, affection, and encouragement. May we never withhold what is our duty and privilege to give. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Side By Side

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“Encourage one another daily.” Hebrews 3:13

The Greek translation for the word encouragement is parakletos, which literally means “called alongside to help.” It brings to mind the scriptural image of two people yoked side by side, as when Jesus said, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me…. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:29–30). This kind of encouragement includes offering an uplifting word, but it is more than that. It is standing by your husband and keeping an attitude of good cheer when he is laid off his job. It is pitching in to finish the dishes when your wife is too tired to stand. It’s crouching down to a four‐year‐old’s eye level and listening sympathetically as she tearfully tells you about her skinned knee.

The act of encouraging doesn’t include instructing your partner on what to do about a problem. It doesn’t include giving advice, offering tips for improving in the future, or uttering hollow words such as “You really should have known better than to make that foolish mistake” or “Get over it.” Instead, encouragement is a participation game. When you stand alongside your mate and share his or her troubles, you’ve become a practitioner of parakletos and an exceptional source of courage, hope, and happiness.

Just between us…

  • Do you know anyone who always makes you feel good about yourself?
  • How do they do it? Why is it often so difficult to think about the other person first? • How has God used me to “come alongside” you?
  • How can I do better?

Lord Jesus, thank You that You put it within our power to encourage others. May we grow in that ministry. May we become experts at it—starting in our marriage. Amen.

Encourage one another daily.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

 

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – A Most Extraordinary Event

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A Most Extraordinary Event – by Jo Ann Larsen

Larry and Jo Ann were an ordinary couple. They lived in an ordinary house on an ordinary street. Like any other ordinary couple, they struggled to make ends meet and to do the right things for their children. They were ordinary in yet another way—they had their squabbles.

Much of their conversation concerned what was wrong in their marriage and who was to blame—until one day when a most extraordinary event took place.

“You know, Jo Ann, I’ve got a magic chest of drawers. Every time I open the drawers, they’re full of socks and underwear,” Larry said. “I want to thank you for filling them all these years.”

Jo Ann stared at her husband over the top of her glasses. “What do you want, Larry?”

“Nothing. I just want you to know I appreciate those magic drawers.”

This wasn’t the first time Larry had done something odd, so Jo Ann pushed the incident out of her mind until a few days later.

“Jo Ann, thank you for recording so many correct check numbers in the ledger this month. You put down the right numbers fifteen out of sixteen times. That’s a record.”

Disbelieving what she had heard, Jo Ann looked up from her mending. “Larry, you’re always complaining about my recording the wrong check numbers. Why stop now?”

“No reason. I just wanted you to know I appreciate the effort you’re making.”

Jo Ann shook her head and went back to her mending. “What’s gotten into him?” she mumbled to herself.

Nevertheless, the next day when Jo Ann wrote a check at the grocery store, she glanced at her checkbook to confirm that she had put down the right check number. “Why do I suddenly care about those dumb check numbers?” she asked herself.

She tried to disregard the incident, but Larry’s strange behavior intensified.

“Jo Ann, that was a great dinner,” he said one evening. “I appreciate all your effort. Why, in the past fifteen years I’ll bet you’ve fixed over 14,000 meals for me and the kids.”

Then, “Gee, Jo Ann, the house looks spiffy. You’ve really worked hard to get it looking so good.” And even, “Thanks, Jo Ann, for just being you. I really enjoy your company.”

Jo Ann was growing worried. Where’s the sarcasm, the criticism? she wondered.

Her fears that something peculiar was happening to her husband were confirmed by sixteen‐year‐old Shelly, who complained, “Dad’s gone bonkers, Mom. He just told me I looked nice. Even though I’m wearing all this makeup and these sloppy clothes, he still said it. That’s not Dad, Mom. What’s wrong with him?”

Whatever was wrong, Larry didn’t get over it. Day in and day out he continued focusing on the positive.

Over the weeks, Jo Ann grew more accustomed to her mate’s unusual behavior and occasionally even gave him a grudging “Thank you.” She prided herself on taking it all in stride, until one day something so peculiar happened that she became completely discombobulated.

“I want you to take a break,” Larry said. “I am going to do the dishes. So please take your hands off that frying pan and leave the kitchen.” (Long, long pause.) “Thank you, Larry. Thank you very much!”

Jo Ann’s step was now a little lighter, her self‐confidence higher, and once in a while she hummed. She didn’t seem to have as many blue moods anymore. I rather like Larry’s new behavior, she thought.

That would be the end of the story except one day another most extraordinary event took place. This time it was Jo Ann who spoke.

“Larry,” she said, “I want to thank you for going to work and providing for us all these years. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much I appreciate it.”

No matter how hard Jo Ann has pushed for an answer, Larry has never revealed the reason for his dramatic change of behavior, and so it will likely remain one of life’s mysteries. But it’s one I’m thankful to live with.

You see, I am Jo Ann.

Looking ahead…

As Larry demonstrated, a little encouragement can transform a marriage. None of us—king or queen, president or business leader, husband, housewife or child—is without the human craving for appreciation. Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” A kind word is like that. It fuels our energy and infuses us with new enthusiasm for facing the challenges life throws our way.

I invite you during this week’s discussion to consider the incredible power of encouragement. As you apply each principle, I think you’ll find that the sun shines a little brighter and your day runs a bit smoother. You might begin by simply telling your partner how much you appreciate having him or her around.

– James C Dobson

  • From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Let’s Make a Deal

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“People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap.” 1 Timothy 6:9

Some of you are old enough to remember Monty Hall and the game show Let’s Make a Deal—the one where contestants could keep what they had already won or risk trading it in for the mystery prize behind “door number one, door number two, or door number three.” Believe it or not, I once convinced Jim to go with me to one of the shows.

There we were: I had toy birds fastened everywhere on my head and blouse, and Jim (reluctantly) held a sign that said, “My wife is for the birds.” Our getup was enough to earn us seats in the contestants’ row, and before we knew it, we were in front of the cameras trying to name the correct price of four items to win a brand‐new Camaro. And believe me, we needed that car! Jim had just graduated from USC, and we had invested every available dollar in his tuition and expenses.

We guessed the first three items within the three‐dollar margin of error, but we missed on the last one—a Hoover vacuum cleaner. So we didn’t win the Camaro. Yet we walked away from that show with a new vacuum cleaner and another, much more valuable prize: a greater appreciation for how easily greed could overcome us.

Since that time we have observed that Satan appears to offer whatever a person hungers for in exchange for a spiritual compromise. In our case, a new automobile was the perfect enticement to unleash our greed. If illicit sex is your desire, it will eventually be made available. If your passion is for fame or power, the object of that lust will be promised (even if never delivered). Likewise, if you thirst for great wealth—beware! People who care passionately about money are often suckers for wild‐eyed schemes and shady deals. They are always on the verge of a bonanza that seems to slip through their fingers. Instead of getting rich, they get taken.

This is the threat posed by greed. Material comforts or money in the bank can become our first love—our greatest treasure and passion. And when that happens, God becomes almost irrelevant. But the Lord will not settle for second place (“You shall have no other gods before me”— Exodus 20:3). We encourage you to say, “Let’s make a deal” right now. Agree now that you’ll always keep money in its place and the Lord as the first love of your life.

– Shirley M Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light For Couples -The Trouble Paradox

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“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

When troubles line up in what seems like an endless parade, feelings of despair or helplessness can be overwhelming. One way out of this downward spiral toward depression is to reach out to someone else. Our own difficulties seem less threatening and all‐consuming when we are busy helping someone else handle theirs. The possibilities for helping others are limitless. Visit the sick. Bake something for your neighbors. Do household chores for an elderly shut‐in. Use your car for those without transportation. And, perhaps most important, be a good listener. Sometimes what a person needs most of all is simply a friend who will share his or her life for a few moments.

This is one of the powerful paradoxes of the Christian life: When we share someone else’s pain, we often shed some of our own. When we help others, we end up helping ourselves. When we lift another’s burdens, ours lighten.

Just between us…

  • What do you do when you’re discouraged or depressed?
  • Am I helpful to you when you’re feeling down?
  • In what ways did Jesus minister to the downhearted? Is there someone in a difficult situation who could use our help?

Dear God, thank You for Your goodness during trouble. Increasingly, make us Your instruments to help others in need. Help us to share Your comfort and testify to Your great faithfulness. Thank You that we’ll be blessed in doing so. Amen.

  • From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Is Honor Overdue?

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“Humility comes before honor.” Proverbs 15:33

Mr. Smith learned that his neighbor, Mr. Jones, had presented flowers and a gift to Mrs. Jones five nights in a row. He thought, That must be what wins a woman’s heart. So Smith went out and bought a big box of candy and a bouquet of his wife’s favorite flowers. Arriving home a little early that afternoon, he rang the doorbell. When Mrs. Smith appeared, he passionately embraced her. Suddenly she sagged and fell in a heap on the floor. “My goodness! What’s wrong?” he exclaimed. When she regained consciousness, she explained. “Oh, this has been the worst day! Our son received a terrible report card; Mother was admitted to the hospital; the roast burned; the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk!”

If your partner can’t even fathom the possibility that you would bring her flowers or a gift (or some similar surprise), take the hint. It’s time to work on honoring your mate!

Just between us…

  • Would you be shocked if I brought you flowers or some other gift?
  • What’s the best surprise I ever gave you?
  • What kind of thoughtful gesture would be enjoyable and honoring to you?
  • Do you prefer being surprised in front of friends or in private?

Lord, we confess that the hurly-burly pace of living often threatens to suffo- cate our relationship. Remind us to care for each other. Help us to encourage others who are struggling in their marriages. Amen.

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Taken For Granted

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“Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10

Each of us has a heartfelt need to be honored and respected. All too often, however, we take our spouses for granted at home. Is it any wonder that so many mothers hold down jobs in the workplace today? Many work for financial reasons, but some do so to find the recognition and praise they don’t get from their mates. Could this also be why many men spend excessive hours at work—to receive from colleagues the accolades that they don’t get at home?

Your partner is a jack‐of‐all‐trades who brings a host of skills to your marriage: provider, short‐order cook, nurse, counselor, financial planner, gardener, arbiter of sibling disputes, spiritual leader, comforter, and much more. We encourage you to show your appreciation for these talents and services. Tell your wife how much you enjoy her cooking. Send your husband to work with a note praising him for his good judgment with the family budget. In front of guests, compliment her taste in home decor and his wise guidance of the children.

If we don’t make our mate feel honored and respected, we may find our partner looking for recognition somewhere else.

Just between us…

  • What couple do we know who is an example to us of honoring each other?
  • Do we honor each other well?
  • What opportunities to bestow honor have we missed?

Have we sought recognition elsewhere because we weren’t receiving enough at home?

Heavenly Father, forgive us for any self-centeredness or lack of consideration in our marriage. Please teach us to make honoring our spouse a reflex action, not a begrudging afterthought. Amen.

Night Light - James & Shirley Dobson

Night Life – Two Sides of Passion

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The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, her husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:4

T here’s a basic difference between women and men that marriage partners need to understand: Women tend to give sex to get intimacy, while men tend to give intimacy to get sex.

Many men, for example, can separate the act of intercourse from the relationship and feel some measure of physical satisfaction. Not so for most women. More relationally inclined, they often feel exploited when sexual relations are not accompanied by tenderness, caring, and romantic love.

Solutions? The man who wants an exciting sexual experience with his wife should focus on the other twenty‐three and a half hours in the day. He should compliment her, tell her that he cares, and make her feel special in a hundred different ways. Turning the coin over, the wife must understand that her husband is more visually oriented and easily stimulated than she is. She should make herself as attractive to him as she can.

With a little unselfish forethought, each can learn to satisfy the other. In our experience, responding to these basic differences opens the door for genuine passion in marriage.

Just between us…

  • Do you agree that men and women approach sex differently?
  • Do we understand each other’s feelings about sex and intimacy?
  • Why do you think God created these differences in men and women?
  • What can I do specifically to make sex more appealing to you?

Lord, help us to hold our differences about sexual attraction in high regard— never hindering where we could help, never ignoring or criticizing where we could cherish and honor. Thank You that we can give ourselves to each other so completely. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson