by Herman and Roma Rosenblat

It is bitter cold on this dark, winter day in 1944. But it is no different than any other day in the Nazi concentration camp. Back and forth I pace, trying to keep my emaciated body warm. I am just a boy, and hungry. I have been hungry for longer than I want to remember. Edible food seems like a dream. Each day, as more of us disappear, the happy past seems also like a dream, and I sink deeper into despair.

Suddenly, I see something moving in the field beyond the camp’s two barbed wire fences. Families are working in the field; near the outer fence is a young girl. With an eye out for the guards, I hurry to the inside fence.

The girl stops working and looks at me with sad eyes—eyes that seem to say she understands. I ask, across twenty feet and two fences, if she has something to eat. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a red apple. A beautiful, shiny red apple. She looks to the left and to the right and then with a smile of triumph, throws the apple over the fences. I pick it up, holding it in trembling, frozen fingers, then run away as fast as I can. If the guards see us, we will both be shot.

The next day, I cannot help myself—I am drawn at the same time to that spot near the fences. Am I crazy for hoping she will come again? Of course. But in here, I cling to any tiny scrap of hope.

She comes. And again, she brings an apple, flinging it over the fences with that same sweet smile. This time I catch it and hold it up for her to see. Her eyes twinkle. And for the first time in so long, I feel my heart move with emotion.

For seven months we meet like this. Sometimes we exchange a few words. Sometimes, just an apple. But she is feeding more than my belly, this angel from heaven. She is feeding my soul. And somehow, I know I am feeding hers as well.

One day I hear frightening news: We are being shipped to another camp. The next day when I greet her, my heart is breaking. I can barely speak. “Do not bring me an apple tomorrow,” I say. “I am being sent to another camp. We will never see each other again.” Turning before I lose all control, I run away. I cannot bear to look back. If I did, I know she would see tears streaming down my face.

Months pass, and the nightmare continues. Only the memory of this girl sustains me. And then one day, just like that, the nightmare is over. The war has ended. Those of us still alive are freed. I have lost everything precious to me, including my family. But I still have the memory of this girl, a memory I carry in my heart as I move to America to start a new life.

The years go by. It is 1957. I live in New York City. A friend convinces me to go on a blind date with a lady friend of his. Reluctantly, I agree. But she is nice, this woman named Roma. And like me, she is an immigrant, so we have at least that in common.

“Where were you during the war?” Roma asks me gently, in that delicate way immigrants ask one another such questions.

“I was in a concentration camp in Germany,” I reply. Roma gets a faraway look in her eyes. “What is it?” I ask. “I am just thinking about something from my past, Herman,”

Roma explains in a voice suddenly very soft. “You see, when I was a young girl, I lived near a concentration camp. There was a boy there, a prisoner, and for a long while, I used to visit him every day. I remember I used to bring him apples. I would throw the apple over the fence, and he would be so happy.”

Roma sighs heavily and continues. “It is hard to describe how we felt about each other—after all, we were so young, and we only exchanged a few words when we could—but I can tell you, there was much love there. I assume he was killed like so many others. But I cannot bear to think that, and so I try to remember him as he was for those months we were given together.”

With my heart pounding so hard I think it will explode, I look directly at Roma and ask, “And did that boy say to you one day, ‘Do not bring me an apple tomorrow. I am being sent to another camp’?” “Why, yes,” Roma responds, her voice trembling. “But Herman,

how on earth could you possibly know that?” I take her hands in mine and answer, “Because I was that young boy, Roma.” For many moments, there is only silence. We cannot take our eyes from each other as we recognize the soul behind the eyes, the dear friend we once loved so much, whom we have never stopped loving.

Finally, I speak: “Roma, I was separated from you once, and I don’t ever want to be separated from you again. Now I am free, and I want to be together with you forever. Dear, will you marry me?”

I see that same twinkle in her eye I used to see as Roma says, “Yes, I will marry you.” We embrace—the embrace we longed to share for so many months, but barbed wire came between us. Now, nothing ever will again.

Looking ahead…

This fictional story offers a powerful glimpse of hope in the midst of terror.

Can any of us live without hope? I think not. Without hope, we have no reason to get out of bed in the morning… no motivation to complete our daily tasks at work, home, church… no desire to take on the sometimes dizzying array of problems in our world. A life without hope is a life without meaning.

Yet as Christians, we always have hope. In Jesus Christ, we have a holy protector, friend, confidante, and guide. We have a reserved seat in heaven that promises unimaginable joy. This is what gives us the endurance, patience, and motivation to bring glory to our Creator during this imperfect existence. In the days ahead, we’ll talk more about how hope can strengthen our marriage.

John tells us, “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life” (John 3:36). Can you imagine a greater source of hope?

– James C Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

As Christians who want to bring joy to our marriages, we might do well to remember the words of baseball great (and occasional comedian) Yogi Berra: “Ninety percent of the game is half mental.” We could say the same about life: It’s how we look at circumstances that makes all the difference. For Christians, it’s not just how we look at things; it’s at Whom we’re looking. “Rejoice in the Lord and be glad,” wrote David (Psalm 32:11). Paul gave the same advice to the Philippians. And the author of Hebrews wrote: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross….” (Hebrews 12:2). Couples who keep Jesus Christ as Lord of their home seem to laugh more often and cultivate hope in their marriages more easily. Why? Because when Jesus carries the weight of your worries, your needs, and your future, lighthearted living is the natural result.

God gave us a sense of humor to help us stay “half mental” in our marriage, and surely He wants us to use and enjoy it!

Just between us…

• Do you think Jesus often laughed? Do you think we would laugh more if we trusted God more?
• What steps can we take to bring a lighthearted spirit into our home?
• How can we worship God by our attitudes about life’s little hassles?

Most amazing God, thank You for making humor possible in our world. Forgive us when selfishness, fear, or faithlessness rob us of laughter. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Be joyful always.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16

Levity and lightheartedness are glue that holds family members together. Families willing to laugh at funny stories about growing up are sure to forge a strong bond for the tough times.

We heard about a mother who decided to hold her squirming toddler in her lap during his first Muppet movie. Midway through, they lost control of a large Pepsi and a box of buttered popcorn. The gooey mixture flowed over the child into the mother’s lap. Since the movie was almost over, she decided to sit it out. What she didn’t know was that she and her son were being cemented together. When the movie ended, they stood up… and the mother’s wraparound skirt stuck to the bottom of the toddler, came unraveled, and followed him up the aisle. She stood there clutching her slip and thanking the Lord she had taken time to put one on!

Another mother wrote us about a little miscommunication involving her preschooler: “Perhaps there should be a uniform word for ‘potty’ when children have to go to the bathroom. My three‐year‐old has been taught to refer to that act as a ‘whisper.’ Well, his grandfather came to visit us, and in the middle of the night my son came to his bed and said, ‘Grandpa, I have to whisper.’ Not wanting to awaken his wife, he said, ‘Okay. Whisper in my ear.’” So the little boy did.

The telling and retelling of funny moments like these can connect families for generations. God created us with a sense of humor for a reason. We believe that He wants us to use it.

Just between us…

• Why do you think that God created us with an ability to laugh?
• Do you remember any funny family stories from your childhood?
• How can we preserve our family heritage through stories?

Lord, we’re grateful we can share funny times with our kids. Help us make them part of a grand story that will bind us together for years. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

by Phil Callaway

Thanksgiving weekend began the way Bob and Audrey Meisner had planned. Piling a full‐size van high with mattresses, sleeping bags, and children, they drove a thousand miles through the flatlands of Manitoba to the in‐laws in Michigan. It was a beautiful trip. Patchwork prairies sprinkled with lakes stretched toward the horizon. Bare poplar branches held up their arms in surrender to winter. The children counted columns of Canadian geese deserting their homeland and heading for Florida. Neither Bob nor Audrey knew that the beauty of the first leg of their trip would stand in sharp contrast to the journey home.

The weekend was filled with relatives, turkey, and laughter. On Sunday night the Meisners said their good‐byes and headed for home. Leaving at 11:00 P.M., they drove through the night, arriving in Minneapolis about 8:30 the next morning. Though Mom and Dad were tired, the Mall of America beckoned, and it was many hours before they watched the skylines of the Twin Cities disappear in the rearview mirror as they drove toward the setting sun.

When Audrey offered to drive, Bob clambered into the back of the van, where he disappeared behind some sleeping bags and drifted off to sleep.

An hour and a half later, Audrey pulled into a rest stop as quietly as she could, hoping the family would sleep on. As she let the engine idle, she noticed how it seemed to be missing a cylinder, which made her think of Bob’s snoring coming from the back of the van.

After using the restroom, Audrey climbed back into the van, stirred some coffee, took a long sip, and pulled back onto the freeway. Two hours passed quickly as she tapped her fingers to a country gospel station and spun the dial, sampling talk shows. When she arrived in Fargo, North Dakota, the kids began to wake up. But not Bob. Wow, he’s tired, thought Audrey. Her seven‐year‐old appeared in the rearview mirror, rubbing his eyes.

“Go back to sleep, honey,” said his mom.

Suddenly, the peacefulness of the morning was shattered. “Where’s Daddy?” one of the kids asked.

“Very funny,” said Audrey, adjusting the mirror. “He’s back there sleeping… isn’t he?”

The children began pushing pillows aside, looking for Daddy. “Nope,” said her seven‐year‐old, “he’s not back here.”

“Do you think maybe he got raptured?” another child said. “You know, Mom, like you’ve been talking about when Jesus comes to get us?”

Audrey wasn’t laughing. Panic overtook her as she looked for the next exit. Should she turn around and go back? She had no idea where the rest area was. Was it two hours ago? Three?

Calm down, Audrey, she told herself. Then she prayed, Dear Lord, help me find Bob. And please keep him safe, wherever he is.

Pulling into a truck stop, she picked up a pay phone and called the police. “Um… I… uh… left my husband in Minnesota,” she told the officer. “At… well… at a rest stop.”

There was a moment of silence. “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

After a few minutes punctuated by desperation, Audrey was able to convince the man on the other end of the line that this was no joke— that she had left her husband, but not intentionally, although he might be thinking so.

“Tell you what,” said the officer. “You hang on. I’ll get all the numbers of the rest stops in that area. You don’t go anywhere now, ya hear?”

Audrey didn’t go anywhere.

After thanking the officer for his help, she started down the list. One number after another. Each phone call was met with surprise, but no success. Almost out of hope, she dialed the last number on the list. “Do you have a guy there who—?”

“Yaw, I shore do,” said a thick Norwegian accent. Moments later, Bob was on the phone.

“Honey, I’m so sorry,” said Audrey. “I didn’t mean to—” Audrey started to cry. And Bob started to laugh.

Two hours earlier he had climbed out of the van to use the restroom. But when he came back, the van was gone.

“Ha,” Bob had said. “Very funny.”

He had walked around the service area three times, expecting to find his family grinning around the next corner. But they were nowhere to be found.

“She wouldn’t leave me like this,” said Bob. “Would she?”

To pass the time, Bob washed people’s windshields and prayed that God would speak loudly to his wife, making his absence apparent. He even climbed in with a trucker who needed some spiritual encouragement. “You know,” the trucker told Bob, “this time with you was a divine appointment. I really needed this.”

“Dear God,” prayed Bob, “please, no more divine appointments tonight.”

Early the next morning, Bob watched the headlights of a familiar van pull into the rest stop. He stopped cleaning windshields and breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was a return trip for Audrey. But this time she honked the horn loudly, not caring whom she woke up.

“It’s the first time I ever left him,” she says, laughing now. “Believe me, it will be the last.”

“At first I wondered if the rapture had taken place,” Bob says. “Then it seemed like something out of a horror movie. But I thought, Well, make the most of it.”

Audrey learned a few things, too. “That night I realized the importance of casting all my cares on God. They are His, and He is completely trustworthy…. And I learned that it’s always a good idea to count bodies before you pull out onto the freeway.”

Looking ahead…

It happens to all of us. Just when life seems to be humming along smoothly, something as simple as a trip to the restroom turns into one little surprise after another.

There’s probably no way to avoid such unwanted twists of fate—but we can control our reaction to them. I’ve found that adversity in married life is easier to handle when I choose to face it with a smile instead of a frown. So the next time your spouse leaves you stranded by mistake, remember Bob Meisner. You can stew for hours sitting on the curb—or get up and wash a few windshields.

– James C Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:34

Many of you reading these discussions about the consequences of divorce have already taken that fateful step— willingly or not—and then remarried. You may also be facing the unique challenge of raising children from two sets of parents. We assure you that it has not been our intention to heap additional guilt on you. We have a loving God who offers forgiveness to those who truly seek His will. Only He knows the condition of your spiritual “heart” and the circumstances that led to the end of your first marriage. If you have not dealt with those matters before God, we urge you to do so tonight.

Our hope is that you will reaffirm the sanctity of your present marriage and fight to preserve it with all your heart and soul. With the Lord’s help, you can still forge a marriage that lasts a lifetime. We encourage you to learn from the mistakes of your previous relationships, rely wholeheartedly on God’s principles for marriage, and make the firm decision that nothing will tear you away from your mate.

Remember, there are no second‐class members of God’s family. God still wants to give you His best. And as you seek Him together, He will.

Just between us…

• What would be (or is) most difficult about a second marriage?
• Is God willing to forgive those who divorce for the wrong reasons?
• What do you think is the most painful part of a divorce? How can we use this information to keep our marriage strong?

Father, forgive our sins and selfish mistakes. We cast all our hopes for our marriage on Your truths, and together we wholeheartedly seek to obey Your will for us. Thank You for Your mercies, which are new every morning. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9

One reason divorce has become so common today is the advent of “no‐fault” divorce laws, first introduced in California in 1969. Over the following fifteen years, every state in America adopted some form of no‐fault legislation. And to what result? According to the Statistical Abstract of the United States, since these laws began taking effect the number of divorces in this country has increased 279 percent.

In essence, no‐fault divorce has nullified the sacredness of marriage in the eyes of the law, making it an unenforceable contract. A man and woman can abandon their family more easily than they can abrogate almost any other agreement that bears their signature. In terms of the law, it matters not that they’ve made a solemn promise before God, friends, relatives, a member of the clergy, or a licensed representative of the state.

However, no matter how easy the laws make it to get a divorce, it will always remain infinitely difficult to repair the damage.

Just between us…

• What would you say to the couple who insist, “Our divorce is nobody’s fault. We just didn’t get along, so we’re going our separate ways”?
• Do we know anyone who has sought a divorce, only to regret the move?
• Are we committed to staying together, even through tough times?

Lord, the courts have made it so easy to tear apart that which You have bound

together. Forgive us, forgive our land, and bring us to repentance. Help us keep Your commands as the ultimate law of our marriage and family. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.” Malachi 2:15

Writer Pat Conroy, after telling his three daughters that he and his wife were divorcing, said he felt like he had “doused my entire family with gasoline and struck a match.” The painful effects resulting from such stress and guilt are not just a temporary problem. Dr. David Larson, a Washington, D.C., psychiatrist and researcher, has observed that all types of cancer strike divorced individuals more frequently than married people. He has also noted that premature death rates are significantly higher among divorced people and that being divorced and a nonsmoker is only slightly less hazardous than staying married and smoking a pack or two a day. In the 1960s, the surgeon general declared cigarettes harmful to the smoker’s health. More recently, researchers have warned us about the dangers of foods high in fat and cholesterol. Perhaps it’s time someone issued a warning about the health risks of marital conflict. Ripping “one flesh” apart is one of the most devastating experiences in life. There must be a better way to deal with conflict.

Just between us…

• Is the state of our marriage affecting our health?
• How is divorce hazardous to a person’s spiritual life? (See Malachi 2:13–16.)
• What can we do this week to promote our physical and emotional health?

Dear God, we receive this reminder that the damage done by broken marriages extends to the body, mind, and spirit. We humbly ask for Your help to make divorce “not an option” for our future. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“And a husband must not divorce his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:11

The daughter in Sunday’s the “Dear Daddy” story described the trauma of her father’s deserting their family as like being in a car wreck. That is the impact divorce typically has on children. It is devastating! For more than twenty‐five years, California psychologist Judith Wallerstein has tracked hundreds of children of divorce from childhood to adulthood. She’s found that the distress young children experience after a divorce remains with them throughout their lives, making it more difficult for them to cope with challenges. “Unlike the adult experience,” Wallerstein says, “the child’s suffering does not reach its peak at the breakup and then level off. The effect of the parents’ divorce is played and replayed throughout the first three decades of the children’s lives.” Harvard University psychiatrist Armand Nicholi says that the pain of divorce is worse for children five years later than at the time the family disintegrates. He also links interruption of parent‐child relationships with an escalation in psychiatric problems for children.

The next time the idea of divorce enters your thoughts, consider the consequences of such an act on the most vulnerable members of your family. Research shows that time doesn’t heal those wounds.

Just between us…

• Do you agree with the statements of these mental health professionals?
• If your parents divorced, what was your experience during and after the breakup?
• What would happen to our kids (or future children) if wedivorced?

Father, we thank You for the tender lives You’ve placed in our care. We resolve never to harm them through the violence of divorce. Strengthen and bless this commitment in our thoughts and actions each day. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

by Gary Smalley and John Trent

Largely unused in marriages, homes, friendships, and businesses is a tool called emotional word pictures that can supercharge communication and change lives. This concept is as old as ancient kings but so timeless that it has been used throughout the ages in every society. It has the capacity to capture people’s attention by simultaneously engaging their thoughts and feelings. Along with its ability to move us to deeper levels of intimacy, it has the staying power to make a lasting impression.

When faced with the breakup of her parents’ marriage, a hurting teenager named Kimberly used the following word picture in this letter to her father:

Dear Daddy, It’s late at night, and I’m sitting in the middle of my bed writing to you. I’ve wanted to talk with you so many times during the past few weeks. But there never seems to be any time when we’re alone.

Dad, I realize you’re dating someone else. And I know you and Mom may never get back together. That’s terribly hard to accept—especially knowing that you may never come back home or be an “everyday” dad to me and Brian again. But I want you at least to understand what’s going on in our lives.

Don’t think that Mom asked me to write this. She didn’t. She doesn’t know I’m writing, and neither does Brian. I just want to share with you what I’ve been thinking.

Dad, I feel like our family has been riding in a nice car for a long time. You know, the kind you always like to have as a company car. It’s the kind that has every extra inside and not a scratch on the outside.

But over the years, the car has developed some problems. It’s smoking a lot, the wheels wobble, and the seat covers are ripped. The car’s been really hard to drive or ride in because of all the shaking and squeaking. But it’s still a great automobile—or at least it could be. With a little work, I know it could run for years.

Since we got the car, Brian and I have been in the backseat while you and Mom have been up front. We feel really secure with you driving and Mom beside you. But last month, Mom was at the wheel.

It was nighttime, and we had just turned the corner near our house. Suddenly, we all looked up and saw another car, out of control, heading straight for us. Mom tried to swerve out of the way, but the other car smashed into us. The impact sent us flying off the road and crashing into a lamppost.

The thing is, Dad, just before we were hit, we could see that you were driving the other car. And we saw something else: Sitting next to you was another woman.

It was such a terrible accident that we were all rushed to the emergency ward. But when we asked where you were, no one knew. We’re still not really sure where you are or if you were hurt or if you need help.

Mom was really hurt. She was thrown into the steering wheel and broke several ribs. One of them punctured her lungs and almost pierced her heart.

When the car wrecked, the back door smashed into Brian. He was covered with cuts from the broken glass, and he shattered his arm, which is now in a cast. But that’s not the worst. He’s still in so much pain and shock that he doesn’t want to talk or play with anyone.

As for me, I was thrown from the car. I was stuck out in the cold for a long time with my right leg broken. As I lay there, I couldn’t move and didn’t know what was wrong with Mom and Brian. I was hurting so much myself that I couldn’t help them.

There have been times since that night when I wondered if any of us would make it. Even though we’re getting a little better, we’re all still in the hospital. The doctors say I’ll need a lot of therapy on my leg, and I know they can help me get better. But I wish it were you who was helping me, instead of them.

The pain is so bad, but what’s even worse is that we all miss you so much. Every day we wait to see if you’re going to visit us in the hospital, and every day you don’t come. I know it’s over. But my heart would explode with joy if somehow I could look up and see you walk into my room.

At night when the hospital is really quiet, they push Brian and me into Mom’s room, and we all talk about you. We talk about how much we loved driving with you and how we wish you were with us now.

Are you all right? Are you hurting from the wreck? Do you need us like we need you? If you need me, I’m here and I love you.

Your daughter, Kimberly

LOOKING AHEAD …

More than two months before writing this letter, Kimberly had watched her father, Steve, walk out of his family’s life with plans to divorce his wife and pursue a relationship with another woman. The heartache that Kimberly, her mother, and her brother felt was indescribable. But the anguish also extended to Steve. Only a few weeks after leaving, he began to second‐guess his decision.

That’s the impact of divorce. It appears to be a solution when in fact it brings only pain and new difficulties. A few days after receiving Kimberly’s letter, Steve appeared on his family’s doorstep and asked to come back. He realized that divorce wasn’t the answer to his family’s problems. Would you ever consider it an answer to yours? Has your marriage ever been on the brink of breaking up? This week, we’re going to take a candid look at the divorce “solution.”

– James C Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. Psalm 22:4

A husband and wife on vacation at a lake didn’t notice their three‐year‐old son Billy wandering toward the dock to investigate a boat. He tried to stretch his short legs from the dock to the boat, but didn’t quite make it—and fell into six‐feet‐deep water. The splash brought Dad running. He dove into the murky water, groping with his arms and legs trying to find Billy. His lungs nearly bursting, he pushed toward the surface—and touched Billy, whose arms were locked around a piling four feet underwater. Dad pried him loose, and they hit the surface together, gasping for air. When they had recovered,

Dad asked little Billy what he was doing hanging onto that piling. Billy’s answer: “Just waitin’ for you, Dad.” When his life was on the line, Billy knew his dad would come through. It’s true that fathers bear heavy responsibility for the welfare and protection of their children. We parents have a tough assignment, but most of us wouldn’t have it any other way. The most difficult, important, and wonderful task of all is to teach our kids to trust their heavenly Father even more than they depend on Dad.

Just between us…

• Did you as a child ever have a close call like Billy’s?
• Was your father there for you?
• Are we teaching our kids to depend on the Lord? How can we learn to trust God as much as Billy trusted his dad?

Father, we praise You that You are strong and trustworthy at all times. We say with the psalmist—“The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” May our words, attitudes, and behavior model complete trust in You as a way of life in our home. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson