Category Archives: Night Light – James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – The Power of Prayer

 

By Shirley Dobson

“The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:16

I’ll never forget the evening that Jim and I, exhausted after a long day, collapsed into bed without completing our usual practice of praying about many things, but especially for our children. We were almost asleep when I remembered.

“Jim,” I said, “we haven’t prayed for our kids yet today. Don’t you think we should talk to the Lord?”

It wasn’t easy, but we crawled out of bed, got on our knees, and offered yet another prayer for our children’s well‐being.

Later we learned that at the exact moment we were praying, a strange‐looking man sought by the police tried to get into the parked car where our daughter, Danae, and a girlfriend were sharing a fast‐food meal. By the grace of God, the door was locked, and Danae was able to start the car quickly and escape.

Never underestimate the power of prayer. When your petition is also for God’s will, it will bring you closer to the heavenly Father, who loves you unconditionally.

Just between us…

  • Can you share a personal example of the power of prayer?
  • As a couple, do we usually rely on prayer and God’s power, or do we usually try to solve our problems ourselves?
  • Who among our friends and family needs prayer right now?
  • How can I pray for you tonight?

Lord, thank You for the awesome power You make available to us through prayer. May all our requests honor You and help release Your best in our relationship. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – No Appointment Needed

 

“Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.” Psalm 55:17

Would you ever visit your doctor unannounced and expect him to be available to see you? Can you imagine taking a spur‐of‐the‐moment trip to the White House and immediately being ushered into the Oval Office to meet the president?

Of course you can’t. You would need an appointment first—and a very good reason for being there! Yet, amazingly, you can “drop in” on someone far more important than the president of the United States. And you can expect that He will push aside all other business to talk with you.

Our heavenly Father yearns to have a personal, loving relationship with you. What an incredible concept that is! The King of the universe—the Creator of all heaven and earth, who has no needs and no shortcomings—cares about what we think and feel. That is almost incomprehensible. He wants to spend time with you, hear about your struggles and successes, encourage you, and share His glorious plans for you. Prayer is a wonderful privilege—a chance for direct communication with our Creator. No matter how busy He may be, He always has time in His schedule for you.

Just between us…

  • What keeps us from praying more?
  • Do you sometimes feel that the Lord is not listening when you pray?
  • What specific prayer has the Lord answered for us over the years?
  • How can we work toward a more vibrant prayer life together?

Heavenly Father, how grateful we are that we can talk to You! And how blessed we are that You listen and care! Thank You, loving Lord. Graciously receive even the longings in our hearts that find no words today. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples –Protected By Prayer

 

by Cheri Fuller

The missionary rose and prepared to leave the campsite where he had spent the night en route to the city for medical supplies. He extinguished his small campfire, pulled on his canvas backpack, and hopped on his motorcycle to continue his ride through the African jungle. Every two weeks he made this two‐day journey to collect money from a bank and purchase medicine and supplies for the small field hospital where he served. When he completed those errands, he hopped on his bike again for the two‐day return trip.

When the missionary arrived in the city, he collected his money and medical supplies and was just about to leave for home when he saw two men fighting in the street. Since one of the men was seriously injured, the missionary stopped, treated him for his injuries, and shared the love of Christ with him. Then the missionary began his two‐day trek home, stopping in the jungle again to camp overnight.

Two weeks later, as was his custom, the missionary again made the journey to the city. As he ran his various errands, a young man approached him—the same man the missionary had ministered to during his previous trip. “I knew you carried money and medicine with you,” the man said, “so my friends and I followed you to your campsite in the jungle after you helped me in the street. We planned to kill you and take all the money and drugs. But just as we were about to move in and attack you, we saw twenty‐six armed guards surround and protect you.”

“You must be mistaken,” said the missionary. “I was all alone when I spent the night in the jungle. There were no guards or anyone else with me.”

“But sir, I wasn’t the only one who saw the guards. My five companions saw them, too. We counted them! There were twenty‐six bodyguards, too many for us to handle. Their presence stopped us from killing you.”

Months later, the missionary related this story to the congregation gathered at his home church in Michigan. As he spoke, one of the men listening stood up and interrupted him to ask the exact day the incident in the jungle had occurred. When the missionary identified the specific month and day of the week, the man told him “the rest of the story.”

“On the exact night of your incident in Africa, it was morning here in Michigan, and I was on the golf course. I was about to putt when I felt a strong urge to pray for you. The urge was so strong that I left the golf course and called some men of our church right here in this sanctuary to join me in praying for you. Would all you men who prayed with me that day stand up?”

The missionary wasn’t concerned with who the men were; he was too busy counting them, one by one. Finally he reached the last one. There were twenty‐six men—the exact number of “armed guards” the thwarted attacker had seen.

Looking ahead…

Do you ever find yourself so caught up in the busyness of life that you forget about or postpone a time of prayer? I’m sure the missionary in the story above is one man who was grateful his congregation took seriously the urge to pray!

My father, James Dobson Sr., also took his prayer life seriously. He was known to spend hours at a time on his knees in conversation with the Lord. At Dad’s request, the words “He Prayed” are written on the footstone of his grave. Through his example, and through God’s response, I learned firsthand the power and privilege of prayer. In the week to come let’s take a closer look at this awesome opportunity.

-James C Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples –Willing Sacrifice

 

“Love is patient, love is kind…. It is not self-seeking.” 1 Corinthians 13:4–5

Nothing does more for a marriage than the willing sacrifices made by one spouse for the other. I remember an example of this from early in our marriage. Jim and I were both teaching elementary school, and we often stayed up late during the week to grade papers. Then on the weekends, Jim spent long hours studying as he pursued his doctoral degree. I was a good sport about it, but it wasn’t easy. All our friends were fixing up their homes, buying furniture, going out for dinner, taking vacations, and having children.

Shortly after Jim began his graduate work, he told me that he realized what a difficult time it was for me. He felt that his studies were beginning to interfere with our marriage and that, as he put it, “nothing is worth that price.” He decided to postpone working on his degree so we could spend more time together. He took a very light load of classwork that semester so we could “reconnect” emotionally. I will always love and respect Jim for making that choice. He cared more about me than his personal ambition and career!

I’m sure that Tulle Ferrier, the wife of the doomed pilot, never forgot the sacrifices that must have been part of her marriage with her husband, John. I’m sure she didn’t want to lose him in that terrible crash. But I also imagine that she must have loved and appreciated living with a man who had his priorities in order—God first, others second, and self third—and that she wouldn’t have changed him for the world. That is, I believe, the essence of a successful marriage.

Shirley M Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Deny Yourself

 

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24

Television advertisers are experts at “rattling the cages” of viewers. They understand the philosophy of today’s audience: Look out for number one. That’s why we’re bombarded with slogans such as “Have it your way”; “You deserve a break today”; and “Because I’m worth it.” Their goal is to appeal to our self‐centered nature and manipulate us into buying a product. Frequently, they succeed.

The “I’m Third” approach to life is in direct contradiction to the message of these ads. And well it should be! Jesus tells us that our first obligation in following Him must be to deny ourselves—to let go of the steering wheel, so to speak, and let the Lord drive. Secondly, we are to love and care for others. Try implementing these priorities. They will lead to a better marriage in this life and eternal rewards in the next.

God first, others second, myself third. A simple phrase, but it contains far more wisdom for living life to the fullest than anything you’ll see or hear on a television ad.

Just between us…

  • Do we have an “I’m Third” kind of marriage?
  • Do we know a couple who model this philosophy?
  • How do you feel about putting my desires ahead of your own?
  • What, if anything, do we need to change to create an “I’m Third” marriage?
  • How can we specifically ask God to help us make this happen?

Dear Jesus, we hear Your invitation to follow You in a life of self-denial. Tonight we make You Lord of our marriage. Help us to live every day by Your example— in obedience to the Father and in loving service to each other. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – What a Man Needs

 

“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

Wife, do you understand the needs of your husband? Let’s face it, a man’s career is usually extremely important to his self‐esteem. He is made that way. Many women complain about their husbands’ “workaholism,” which may be valid, and yet husbands deserve thanks for the effort they invest. Compared to the man who sits around the house doing little or nothing, the hard worker is an honorable man. God has assigned two key tasks to men: to provide for and to protect their families. If your husband meets those two requirements, you need to let him know that you appreciate how hard he works.

Several years ago a survey was taken to determine what men wanted in their homes. The result was surprising: It was tranquility. Is your home a peaceful haven for your husband and your family—a place where he can “recharge his batteries” and enjoy the company of his family?

Whatever his specific needs and wants, your husband—and your marriage—will benefit immeasurably when you make him a priority in your life. Scripture says that a woman was designed to be a “helper” for her husband (who, in turn, is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church). And after all, there’s no one better for the job than you.

Just between us…

  • (wife) Do you feel that I appreciate how hard you work?
  • (wife) What do I do for you that you most appreciate?
  • (wife) What things could I do to show my love for you this week?

(wife) Heavenly Father, thank You for my husband. I want to understand and serve him in ways that refresh and encourage him. Show me how to bless him with beautiful gifts like appreciation, support, and tranquility. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Love By Serving

 

“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.” John 13:14

Husband, we’re speaking especially to you tonight. Just as selfishness is a sure marriage killer, an attitude of service and sacrifice—the “I’m Third” philosophy—is an indisputable marriage builder. We urge you to study your wife. What is it that speaks to her heart?

Are you providing that for her? Would she appreciate help with the dishes, vacuuming, or changing the baby’s diaper? Should you be more romantic? Could you put off that weekend auto show so she can visit her sister? Maybe you’d rather go fishing on Saturday, but should you watch the kids instead so your wife can have a needed day out?

Jesus gave us a classic example of service when He washed His disciples’ feet and told them to do the same for one another. Is it time for some symbolic “foot washing” in your marriage? Women are romantic creatures. God made them that way. Have you tried to understand that tender nature and sought to meet the needs it expresses?

Here’s the personal payoff: If you as a husband will address this romantic longing, your wife, being a responder, will be drawn closer to you. You’ll get the kind of attention and admiration you hope for. Try it!

Just between us…

  • (husband) When have I done a good job of “foot washing” in our marriage?
  • (husband) Do you feel I understand your romantic nature? Why or why not?
  • (husband) Have I met your needs during the past week?
  • (husband) Dear Lord, I want to become an expert at meeting my wife’s needs.

Teach me to “wash her feet” and serve my way to a great marriage. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – I Deserve It!

 

“For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.” Galatians 5:17

That sinful nature we talked about yesterday often rears its head in the form of the thought I deserve more. It leads us to demand the best deal, the lion’s share, the most credit, and the finest of everything. From earliest childhood, as we have seen, our impulse is to focus on ourselves and to disregard the needs of others.

And, yes, this “I‐deserve‐it” attitude can permeate marriages. Resentment can build over who works the hardest, who spends more than his or her share of the money, and who is not doing enough to serve the other. Anger then erupts over insignificant irritants that bubble up from the cauldron of emotions. Many fights in marriage begin with the belief that we’re being cheated in the relationship.

Beware of this trap. The minute we begin thinking that we are entitled to more, we’ve started down the slippery road to selfishness. It can devastate a relationship.

John Ferrier didn’t deserve to die in an Ohio neighborhood—but when crisis came, he chose to sacrifice for others. Jesus didn’t deserve to be nailed to a wooden cross—but out of love for the Father and for us, He allowed Himself to be crucified. This kind of sacrificial love seeks to serve, not “deserve”—and that changes everything!

Just between us…

  • What do you feel we truly deserve in this life?
  • Do you sometimes feel that you’re not getting what you deserve in our marriage?
  • Is selfishness a problem for us?

Dear Lord, we need Your Spirit at work in us to overcome our self-centered impulses. By Your grace, empower us to serve instead of to “deserve.” Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Doing What Comes Naturally

 

“Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Psalm 51:5

Humanistic and Christian psychologists differ significantly in how they view human nature. Secular psychologists see children as born “good,” or at least “morally neutral.” They believe children learn to do wrong from parental mistakes and a corrupt society.

As Christians, however, we know otherwise. Deep within our character is a self‐will that is inborn, part of our genetic nature. We desire to control people, our circumstances, our environment—we want what we want, and we want it now. Adam and Eve demonstrated this when they ate the forbidden fruit. Toddlers stamp their little feet and throw temper tantrums. Husbands and wives illustrate the same willfulness when they argue about how to spend money—or about whether the toilet paper should roll from the front or the back. King David referred to this basic human nature when he wrote, “In sin did my mother conceive me.”

Only Jesus Christ can help us deal with the depravity that leads us to be selfish, arrogant, and disobedient. He has promised to do for us what we are powerless to accomplish on our own. Let’s talk about that.

Just between us…

  • Do you agree that humans are born with a bent toward sin? Why or why not?
  • Is there an area of your life that used to be a struggle, but that you’ve given over to God with positive results?
  • Do you think selfishness is a problem in our marriage?
  • How can we encourage each other in this area?

Father, we admit our sinful and selfish ways. We look to You for forgiveness and healing. Thank You for Your mercies. We need Your power to change— and we reach for it together. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – I’m Third

 

from the Denver Post

Out of the sun, packed in a diamond formation and flying as one that day, the Minute Men dove at nearly the speed of sound toward a tiny emerald patch on Ohio’s unwrinkled crazy quilt below. It was a little after nine on the morning of June 7, 1958, and the destination of the Air National Guard’s jet precision team was the famed Wright‐Patterson Air Force Base, just outside Dayton.

On the ground, thousands of faces looked upward as Colonel Walt Williams, leader of the Denver‐based Sabrejet team, gauged a high‐speed pull‐out. For the Minute Men pilots—Colonel Williams, Captain Bob Cherry, Lieutenant Bob Odle, Captain John Ferrier, and Major Win Coomer—the maneuver was routine, for they had given their show hundreds of times before millions of people.

Low across the fresh, green grass the jet stream streaked, far ahead of the noise of the planes’ own screaming engines. Judging his pull‐up, Colonel Williams pressed the microphone button on top of his throttle: “Smoke on—now!” The diamond of planes pulled straight up into the turquoise sky, a bush tail of white smoke pluming out behind. The crowd gasped as the four ships suddenly split apart, rolling to the four points of the compass and leaving a beautiful, smoky fleur‐de‐lis inscribed on the heavens. This was the Minute Men’s famed “flower burst” maneuver. For a minute the crowd relaxed, gazing at the tranquil beauty of the huge, white flower that had grown from the lush Ohio grasslands to fill the great bowl of sky.

Out on the end of his stem of the flower, Colonel Williams turned his Sabre hard, cut off the smoke trail, and dropped the nose of his F86 to pick up speed for the low‐altitude crossover maneuver. Then, glancing back over his shoulder, he froze in terror. Far across the sky to the east, John Ferrier’s plane was rolling. He was in trouble. And his plane was headed right for the small town of Fairborn, on the edge of Patterson Field. In a moment, the lovely morning had turned to horror. Everyone saw; everyone understood. One of the planes was out of control.

Steering his jet in the direction of the crippled plane to race after it, Williams radioed urgently, “Bail out, John! Get out of there!” Ferrier still had plenty of time and room to eject safely. Twice more Williams issued the command: “Bail out, Johnny! Bail out!”

Each time, Williams was answered only by a blip of smoke.

He understood immediately. John Ferrier couldn’t reach the mike button on the throttle because both hands were tugging on a control stick locked in full‐throw right. But the smoke button was on the stick, so he was answering the only way he could—squeezing it to tell Walt he thought he could keep his plane under enough control to avoid crashing into the houses of Fairborn.

Suddenly, a terrible explosion shook the earth. Then came a haunting silence. Walt Williams continued to call through the radio, “Johnny? Are you there? Captain, answer me!”

No response.

Major Win Coomer, who had flown with Ferrier for years, both in the Air National Guard and with United Airlines, and who had served a combat tour with him in Korea, was the first Minute Man to land. He raced to the crash scene, hoping to find his friend alive.

Instead, he found a neighborhood in shock from the awful thing that had happened. Captain John T. Ferrier’s Sabrejet had hit the ground midway between four houses, in a backyard garden. It was the only place where he could have crashed without killing people. The explosion had knocked a woman and several children to the ground, but no one had been hurt, with the exception of Johnny Ferrier. He had been killed instantly.

A steady stream of people began coming to Coomer as he stood in his flying suit beside the smoking, gaping hole in the ground where his best friend had just died.

“A bunch of us were standing together, watching the show,” an elderly man with tears in his eyes told Coomer. “When the pilot started to roll, he was headed straight for us. For a second, we looked right at each other. Then he pulled up right over us and put it in there.”

In deep humility, the old man whispered, “This man died for us.”

Looking ahead…

A few days after this tragic accident, John Ferrier’s wife, Tulle, found a worn card in his billfold. On it were the words “I’m Third.” That simple phrase exemplified the life—and death—of this courageous man. For him, God came first, others second, and himself third.

True to his philosophy, John Ferrier sacrificed his life for people he had never met. If you ever found yourself in a similar situation, would you do the same? In the coming week we’re going to ask how one develops the attitude of a servant.

– James C. Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – I Love You!

 

“This is my command: Love each other.” John 15:17

One of the best ways to sustain true love between you and your mate is to build a bridge of loving memories. I am reminded of a husband named Jim who was tragically killed in an accident while driving home from work. It was his wife Carol’s fiftieth birthday. Rescue teams found two plane tickets to Hawaii in his pocket; he had planned to surprise Carol with them.

Months later, Carol was asked how she was coping. She answered that on their wedding day, she and Jim had promised to say “I love you” before noon each day of their marriage. Over the years it had become a fun—and often difficult—challenge. She recalled running down the driveway saying “I love you,” even though she was angry at Jim. On other occasions she drove to his office to drop a note in his car before the noon deadline. The effort it took to keep that promise led to many positive memories of their years together.

The morning Jim died, he left a birthday card in the kitchen, then slipped out to the car. Carol heard the engine starting and raced outside. She banged on the car window until he rolled it down, then yelled over the roar of the engine, “Here on my fiftieth birthday, Mr. James E. Garret, I, Carol Garret, want to go on record as saying ‘I love you!’”

“That’s how I’ve survived,” Carol said later. “Knowing that the last words I said to Jim were I love you!”

We can build bridges across the span of our lives in many ways— with cards and flowers, through special shared moments, or, like Jim and Carol, with a simple “I love you” expressed each day. Cherished memories established over the course of your marriage will give you and your mate the foundation for a genuine love that endures a lifetime.

Shirley M. Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – The Moment Life Begins

 

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

I f you and your mate genuinely want to experience true love— the kind that lasts throughout eternity—you must face the truth about your standing before God. According to the Bible, we are all born with a sinful nature (Romans 3:23). This sin problem prevents us from living God’s way, whether as individuals or as a married couple. In fact, unresolved sin will block even your best efforts to have a successful marriage, because the inescapable outcome of sin is slavery to our worst impulses and—eventually—death (Romans 6:23).

But there is a wonderful alternative! Jesus Christ paid the price for your sin through His death on the cross. And through His miraculous resurrection, He rescued you from eternal destruction. You can reach out in faith to receive your free gift of new life. Jesus put the Good News this way: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

It really is that simple: If you choose to repent of your sin and receive the gift of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ, you will be forgiven and receive His gift of eternal life.

If you do not know Jesus Christ in this intimate way, we invite you to offer the following prayer tonight. For every human being who invites Jesus into his or her heart, that is the moment real life begins!

Just between us…

  • Have each of us made a choice to receive God’s gift of salvation?
  • If not, what is keeping us from making that choice?

God, I am a sinner in need of You. I can’t live right or hope for eternal life on my own. Please forgive my sins. I believe that Jesus Christ is Your only Son. You sent Him to die in my place and set me free from sin. Thank You! Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – The Third Party

 

“No one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 3:11

To experience genuine love with our mate, we must bring a third party into the equation—Jesus Christ. Only through this spiritual connection with Him can we begin to fulfill all the potential of the relationship we call marriage.

Anyone who studies the Bible will recognize numerous principles woven throughout that apply to married life. Judeo‐Christian values have effectively guided men and women from the beginning. These values were inspired by the Creator Himself, the originator of the institution of marriage. No matter what society says, or how laws change, the precepts that make up this scriptural system remain the way to find love and happiness in life.

Establishing a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is the critical first step toward attaining every meaningful goal, including the intimacy we all seek. If you haven’t already given your heart to Him, we urge you to do so. It will bring meaning and purpose to every dimension of your life—including your marriage. Tomorrow we’ll explain how.

Just between us…

  • How have we been putting biblical principles to work in our marriage?
  • How can I encourage you to spend more time in God’s Word?
  • Have we both personally invited Jesus Christ to be Lord of our lives and of our marriage? If not, can we take that life‐changing step right now?

Lord Jesus, You are the foundation of our marriage. Help us look to You and Your strength in every way as we build a life together. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Happily Ever After?

 

“Are you married? Do not seek a divorce.” 1 Corinthians 7:27

What you have observed by looking around your social circles is born out by the numbers: According to nearly every relevant statistic, the institution of marriage is in serious trouble. The Council on Families in America reports that half of first marriages are likely to end in divorce. The National Center for Health Statistics tells us that the number of Americans choosing to marry is declining. And Brent Barlow, professor of family sciences at Brigham Young University, says that if cohabitation and divorce trends continue, “married” could become a minority status within ten years.

Obviously, millions of couples who were once deeply in love and believed they were wonderfully suited for each other are seeing their marriages fall apart. If you and your spouse are going to beat the odds, you will need to bring dedication and hard work to your relationship.

Does this challenge seem more like a threat than a promise? We have good news. First, couples who are willing to invest in their relationship will find the greatest fulfillment and meaning that life has to offer. That is the promise of a godly marriage. Statistics bear this fact out too! Second, you need not try to beat the odds alone. In fact, you were never meant to. But more on that tomorrow…

Just between us…

  • What, specifically, does having a “happy marriage” mean to you?
  • Are you happy? Why or why not?
  • What can I do to bring more happiness to your life?

Heavenly Father, You designed the covenant of marriage from the beginning, and our marriage belongs to You. So bless our union with Your best! Draw us together, and draw us to You. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Love at First Sight

 

“Love is of God.” 1 John 4:7

Some people believe that true love can occur the moment a man and woman lay eyes on each other. But “love at first sight” is a physical and emotional impossibility because you cannot love someone you don’t even know. You have simply been drawn to the package in which they live.

A lifelong emotional attachment is much more than a romantic feeling. It is more than a sexual attraction or the thrill of the chase or a desire to get married. Such feelings usually indicate infatuation and tend to be temporary and rather selfish in nature. A person may say, “I can’t believe what is happening to me. This is the most fantastic thing I’ve ever experienced! I must be in love.” Notice that those who make these statements are not talking about the other person—they’re excited about their own gratification. Such individuals haven’t fallen in love with someone else; they’ve fallen in love with love.

Genuine love is not something one “falls” into, as though he or she was tumbling into a ditch. One cannot love an unknown object, regardless of how beautiful or handsome it is. Only when a person begins to develop a deep appreciation and admiration for another—an intense awareness of his or her needs, strength, and character—has one begun to experience true love. From there, it should grow for a lifetime.

Just between us…

  • Do you remember thinking that you were in love as a teenager, only to have that feeling fade over time?
  • What did you think and feel when we first met?
  • How did God show you that I should be your marriage partner?

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for the wonderful gift of love. Grant us your blessings, Father—more than we can even imagine right now! Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – “Shmily”

“Shmily”

by Laura Jeanne Allen

My grandparents were married for over half a century. From the time they met each other they played their own special game. The goal of their game was to write the word “shmily” in a surprise place for the other to find. They took turns leaving “shmily” around the house, and as soon as one of them discovered it, it was his or her turn to hide it once more. They dragged “shmily” with their fingers through the sugar and flour containers to await whoever was preparing the next meal. They smeared it in the dew on the windows overlooking the patio where my grandma always fed us warm, homemade pudding with blue food coloring. “Shmily” was written in the steam on the bathroom mirror, where it would reappear after every hot shower. At one point, my grandmother even unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper to leave “shmily” on the very last sheet. There was no end to the places “shmily” popped up. Little notes with a hastily scribbled “shmily” were found on dashboards and car seats or taped to steering wheels. The notes were stuffed inside shoes and left under pillows. “Shmily” was written in the dust upon the mantel and traced in the ashes of the fireplace. This mysterious word was as much a part of my grandparents’ house as the furniture.

It took me a long time before I fully appreciated my grandparents’ game. Skepticism has kept me from believing in true love—one that is pure and enduring. However, I never doubted my grandparents’ relationship. They had love down pat. It was more than their flirtatious little games; it was a way of life. Their relationship was based on a devotion and passionate affection that not everyone experiences.

Grandma and Grandpa held hands every chance they could. They stole kisses as they bumped into each other in their tiny kitchen. They finished each other’s sentences and shared the daily crossword puzzle and word jumble. My grandma whispered to me about how cute my grandpa was, how handsome an old man he had grown to be. She claimed that she really knew “how to pick ’em.” Before every meal they bowed their heads and gave thanks, marveling at their blessings: a wonderful family, good fortune, and each other.

But there was a dark cloud in my grandparents’ life: My grandmother had breast cancer. The disease had first appeared ten years earlier. As always, Grandpa was with her every step of the way. He comforted her in their yellow room, painted that way so that she could always be surrounded by sunshine, even when she was too sick to go outside.

Now the cancer was again attacking her body. With the help of a cane and my grandfather’s steady hand, she went to church with him every Sunday. But my grandmother grew steadily weaker until, finally, she could not leave the house anymore. For a while, Grandpa would go to church alone, praying to God to watch over his wife. Then one day, what we all dreaded finally happened. Grandma was gone.

“Shmily.” It was scrawled in yellow on the pink ribbons of my grandmother’s funeral bouquet. As the crowd thinned and the last mourners turned to leave, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and other family members came forward and gathered around Grandma one last time. Grandpa stepped up to my grandmother’s casket and, taking a shaky breath, began to sing to her. Through his tears and grief, the song came, a deep and throaty lullaby.

Shaking with my own sorrow, I will never forget that moment. For I knew that, although I couldn’t begin to fathom the depth of their love, I had been privileged to witness its unmatched beauty.

S‐h‐m‐i‐l‐y: See How Much I Love You. Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa, for letting me see.

Looking ahead…

Is there any doubt that this tender couple knew the joy that springs from true love? That they understood the meaning of intimacy and commitment in marriage? Through a simple message sent in simple ways— traced in a flour container or on the bathroom mirror—this husband and wife continually expressed their love to each other for over fifty years. And when the time came for “Grandpa” to face the world alone, through his tears he sang his bride a lullaby that told her one last time, “See how much I love you!”

So many couples today reach the end of their days without ever experiencing such genuine love—the kind that includes stealing kisses, finishing each other’s sentences, and holding hands whenever possible. They sincerely desire a deep, intimate love, but they assume it will just “happen” somewhere along the way. When it doesn’t, disillusionment and even divorce follow.

We’ll talk this week about true love—what it means and how you can achieve it in marriage. I’ll close tonight’s reading with this question: What does true love mean to you?

– James C. Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Still the One

 

We’ve talked this week about the brevity of life and the importance of making the most of the time the Lord has given us. Our journey as marital partners will someday come to an end. First one of us, and then the other, will stand before God, give an account of our days, and begin our eternal journey. Jim and I certainly look forward to that heavenly reward, but we are also enjoying our time together on this earth. Jim has recovered fully from a heart attack and a stroke, either of which could have taken his life. Those experiences have made our relationship all the sweeter and more precious. I will always thank God for bringing us together in a marriage that has continued now for more than four decades.

One of the most delightful experiences during that time came in a Marriage Encounter seminar we participated in years ago. I knew that Jim loved and needed me during the early years of our marriage, but I had begun to quietly wonder if I still held the most prominent place in his heart. On the final day of the seminar, without discussing it ahead of time, we wrote each other letters addressing just this issue. I’ll never forget the moment we came together and shared these thoughts.

Jim concluded his letter to me, in part, with these words:

I love you, S. M. D. (Remember the monogrammed shirt?) I love the girl who believed in me before I believed in myself. I love the girl who never complained about huge school bills and books and hot apartments and rented junky furniture and no vacations and humble little Volkswagens. You have been with me—encouraging me, loving me, and supporting me since August 27, 1960. And the status you have given me in our home is beyond what I have deserved.

If we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:12

So why do I want to go on living? It’s because I have you to take the journey with. Otherwise, why make the trip? The half that lies ahead promises to be tougher than the years behind us. Autumn is coming. Even now, I can feel a little nip in the air—and I try not to look at a distant, lone cloud that passes near the horizon. With whom, then, will I spend that final season of my life?

None but you, Shirls. The only joy of the future will be in experiencing it as I have the past twenty‐one years—hand‐in‐hand with the one I love, a young miss named Shirley Deere, who gave me everything she had—including her heart. Thank you, babe, for making this journey with me. Let’s finish it— together!

May the Lord continually sustain and enrich your marriage. God’s blessings to you both… and good night.

– Shirley M Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Last Call

 

“The great day of the Lord is near— near and coming quickly.” Zephaniah 1:14

Think about the people you love. Have you thanked them recently for what they mean to you? If the Lord called you home this evening, would you feel satisfied that you had told them everything you needed to say? In the last months of my (jcd) mother’s life, she had end‐stage Parkinson’s disease and was unable to communicate or understand us. One day, however, the Lord granted us a reprieve. When Shirley and I visited the nursing home, my mother instantly recognized us, and I was able to thank her for being a good mother, for staying true to Jesus, and for sacrificing to put me through college.

She smiled; she understood. I told her that my father was waiting for her in heaven and that Jesus would say, “Well done! Thou good and faithful servant.” I prayed for her and thanked the Lord for her love in my life. She returned our love, and we said good‐bye.

That was the last rational conversation I had with my mother, and I will always be thankful for those final moments together. In this temporary existence, we must always seize opportunities to communicate soul to soul. Cherish each moment with your partner, family, and friends. Tell them how important they are to you. Above all, live each day so that when the final call comes, Jesus will say, “Well done! Thou good and faithful servant.”

Just between us…

  • Do we tell our loved ones what they mean to us?
  • What would you like to say to me “soul to soul”?
  • Are we ready for the Lord to call us home? What should we do to prepare?

Dear Lord, thank You for my lifetime partner. May we never miss an opportunity to say the words that really count. Help us to live without regrets, always ready for the homeward call of Jesus. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Everyday Moments

 

“I was filled with delight day after day.” Proverbs 8:30

We all cherish the milestones and special events in the course of married life: the wedding and honeymoon, the birth of children, the twenty‐fifth and fiftieth wedding anniversaries, the kids’ high school and college graduations. These are occasions to celebrate with hugs, photographs, and congratulations all around. But don’t forget to savor the everyday moments that make up the rest of our days. Think about what it means to wake up in the morning next to someone you love and to begin the day with a kiss… to exchange knowing glances with your partner as you rake leaves in the yard or share a cup of coffee… to hold hands with your mate in church as you sing praises to our glorious God. When you review the mental scrapbook of images from your marriage, we hope it is filled with happy memories of the “big moments” you’ve shared together. But also be sure to include snapshots of those joyful, everyday events that make each day of marriage something special.

Just between us…

  • What everyday activities bring you joy?
  • Do you think we have lived from one big event to the next—or have we tried to make ordinary days special, too?
  • How can we help each other savor everyday moments?
  • Do our lives demonstrate to others that each moment is a gift from

God?

Father, we find Your love in the simple joys around us—a bird’s song or a smile from our mate, blue skies or the laughter of children. Thank You for health and for Your unfailing abundance. open our eyes to the wealth of each day, o Lord. May we never live like paupers when You have made us so rich. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Christmas Memories

 

“I thank my God every time I remember you.” Philippians 1:3

Some of my (jcd’s) favorite memories are from the Christmas season. I remember the year my father returned from the bank with twenty crisp, new one‐dollar bills. Those were the days when a dollar would buy a meal. He attached a Merry Christmas note to each bill and handed one to the newsboy, the shoeshine man, the postman, and seventeen others. He was simply thanking them for being his friends.

Another memory was made years later when Shirley, the kids, and I flew to Kansas City to spend the holidays with my parents. When I stepped off the plane and into the terminal, I caught sight of my father. He had a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his face; Mom also was aglow with excitement. Their family had come home. I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.

Every season offers opportunities for unforgettable moments to share with your spouse and family. Seize them—and savor them.

Just between us…

  • What is your favorite holiday? Why?
  • What is your fondest memory of a holiday season we’ve spent together?
  • What can we do to keep alive the memory of all our special moments?
  • How can we make our faith a more central part of our family celebrations?

Lord, thank You for giving us “the heritage of those who fear Your name.” Thank You for the many special times You have given us and for the wonderful memories that go with them. May we recognize and cherish these gifts and pass them on to our children. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson