Tag Archives: Night Light for Couples

Night Light for Couples –Doing the Right Thing

 

“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith.” 1 Timothy 5:8

Our friends Keith and Mary Korstjens have been married for more than forty years. Shortly after their honeymoon, Mary was stricken with polio and became quadriplegic. The doctors informed her that she would be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life. It was a devastating development, but Keith never wavered in his commitment to Mary. For all these years he has bathed and dressed her, carried her to and from her bed, taken her to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and combed her hair.

Obviously, Keith could have divorced Mary in 1957 and looked for a new and healthier wife, but he never even considered it. We admire this man not only for doing the right thing, but for continuing to love and cherish his wife. Though the problems faced by the rest of us may be less challenging than those encountered by the Korstjens, each of us will confront some kind of hardship in the years ahead. How will we respond?

Just between us…

  • Do you worry about failing health down the road?
  • When you’re sick, how well do I care for you?
  • Have you ever resented having to serve me during times of sickness or disability?
  • How could illness—either minor or serious—actually strengthen our marriage?

Lord, we don’t want to deny the faith by failing to provide for those You have entrusted to our care. We ask for Your strength—especially when hardships come—to show enduring love in our marriage and in our family. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Roman Bridges

 

“The winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.” Matthew 7:25

Yesterday we talked about being committed to your partner for better and for worse. Another way to look at this issue was once related by the late Dr. Francis Schaeffer. He described the bridges that were built in Europe by the Romans in the first and second centuries A.D. The bridges still stand today, despite the unreinforced brick and mortar with which they were made, because they are used for nothing but foot traffic. If an eighteen‐wheel semi were driven across those historic structures, they would crumble in a cloud of dust and debris.

Marriages that lack an iron‐willed determination to hang together are like those Roman bridges. They appear to be secure and may indeed remain upright for many years—until they are put under heavy pressure. Then the supports split and the structure crumbles.

Is your marriage constructed to withstand unusual stress as well as normal wear? Take the time to install a proper foundation—the Lord Jesus Christ. Then build your relationship on habits and attitudes that will sustain it under heavy pressure.

Just between us…

  • Has there ever been a time when our marriage seemed less than solid?
  • Do we know a couple whose marriage has stayed secure under stress?
  • What’s their secret? Do we see any cracks—even tiny ones—beginning to appear in our marriage? What can we do to repair them?

Father, we turn to the unshakable truths of Your Word and the unfailing promise of Your presence to hold our marriage together. Thank You that we can live and love securely—even under stress—because You are in this marriage with us. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – For Better and Worse?

 

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

Did you hear the one about the wedding ceremony of a young contract lawyer and his bride? When the minister got to the vows, he intoned, “Do you take this woman for better? For worse? For richer? For poorer? In sickness? And in health?” He was startled to hear the groom cautiously reply, “Yes. No. Yes.

No. No. And yes.” Of course, we’d all like to sign up for the better, richer, and healthier parts when we get married and forget all that other stuff. But that’s not the way marriage works because that’s not the way life works.

In another wedding ceremony, this one real, the bride and groom pledged to stay married as long as they continued to love each other. Let’s hope they both know good divorce attorneys, because they’re going to need them. Relationships based on feelings are necessarily ephemeral and transitory. The only real stability in marriage is produced by firm commitments that hold two people steady when emotions are fluctuating wildly. Without such determination, even the best relationship is destined to disintegrate.

Just between us…

  • Are you still as committed to me as you were when we married?
  • Are we prepared to “hang tough” when the going gets difficult?
  • Why do you think so many couples don’t stay together?
  • What kind of commitment does the Lord expect of us?
  • What can we do to make sure our commitment to marriage stays strong?

Dear God, in Your presence we renew our whole-hearted choice to love. Bless this holy commitment with courage, strength, tenacity—and most of all joy! Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Do You Want Me?

 

by Park York

I rise early on this Friday, as I do every day, to prepare coffee and mix a protein shake. The television news plays quietly in the corner. Flossie, my wife, is still asleep.

Sometime after eight, she begins floating out of slumber. I bring the shake to her bedside, put the straw in her mouth, and give her cheek a little pat as she begins to drink. Slowly the liquid recedes.

I sit there holding the glass, thinking about the past eight years. At first, she asked only an occasional incoherent or irrelevant question; otherwise she was normal. I tried for two years to find out what was wrong. She grew agitated, restless, defensive; she was constantly tired and unable to hold a conversation.

At last, a neurologist diagnosed Alzheimer’s disease. He said he wasn’t sure—a firm diagnosis could come only from examining brain tissue after death. There is no known cause for this malady. And no known cure.

I enrolled Flossie in a day care center for adults. But she kept wandering off the property. We medicated her to keep her calm. Perhaps from receiving too much of one drug, she suffered a violent seizure that left her immeasurably worse: lethargic, incontinent, and unable to speak clearly or care for herself. My anguish gradually became resignation. I gave up all plans of retirement travel, recreation, visits to see grandchildren—the golden era older people dream about.

The years have passed, and my days have become routine, demanding, lonely, seemingly without accomplishment to measure. Flossie has gradually dropped in strength and weight, from 125 pounds to 86. I take some time to work with a support group and to attend church, but the daily needs keep me feeding, bathing, diapering, changing beds, cleaning house, fixing meals, dressing and undressing her, and doing whatever else a nurse and homemaker does, morning to night.

Occasionally, a word bubbles up from the muddled processes of Flossie’s diseased brain. Sometimes relevant, sometimes the name of a family member, or the name of an object. Just a single word.

On this Friday morning, after she finishes her shake, I give her some apple juice, then massage her arms and caress her forehead and cheeks. Most of the time her eyes are closed, but today she looks up at me, and suddenly her mouth forms four words in a row.

“Do you want me?” Perfect enunciation, softly spoken. I want to jump for joy. “Of course I want you, Flossie!” I say, hugging and kissing her. And so, after months of total silence, she has put together the most sincere question a human being can ask. She speaks, in a way, for people everywhere: those shackled by sin, addiction, hunger, thirst, mental illness, physical pain—frightened, enervated people afraid of the answer, but desperate enough to frame the question anyway.

And, Flossie, I can answer you even more specifically. It may be difficult for you to understand what’s happening. That’s why I’m here, to minister God’s love to you, to bring you wholeness, comfort, and release. Mine are the hands God uses to do His work, just as He uses others’ hands in other places. In spite of our shortcomings, we strive to make people free, well, and happy, blessing them with hope for the future while bringing protein shakes every morning.

Looking ahead…

Unlike so many people today, this gentleman who so gently cared for his wife clearly understood the meaning of commitment. As her mind and body deteriorated with no hope for a cure, he willingly abandoned the hopes and dreams he had worked to achieve. She needed him desperately, and he would be there for her, even though she could give nothing back—not even a rational “thank you.” This, in all its magnificence— and sorrow—is the meaning of love.

No doubt you have dreams of your own for the rest of your married life. Just remember that God may have other plans that depend on your unswerving commitment to each other—no matter what.

– James C Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Persistent Prayer

 

“They should always pray and not give up.” Luke 18:1

When I was only eight years old, I began praying for my dysfunctional family while alone in my bedroom. It still brings tears to my eyes to think that Jesus Christ was listening to me—a little child from a poor family—in those quiet moments. I had no status or influence in the community—no particular skills or talent that the Lord needed. And yet He accepted and blessed me in the years that followed. Those early prayers for a loving family, and later for a Christian husband, were answered beyond my greatest hopes and dreams.

Some of you reading this tonight, however, have also prayed unceasingly for what you believe is God’s will—yet you’ve seen no evidence that He has even heard your prayers. I know of one husband and wife who have prayed for the salvation of their children for more than twenty‐five years, with no hint of change. To those in a similar situation: I understand your discouragement. I don’t know why the Lord chooses to grant some of our petitions more quickly than others—but I do know that He honors the prayers of His righteous followers, and that we should stay on our knees before Him.

Luke 18 records the parable Jesus told about the widow who approached a judge, day after day, asking for justice against her adversary. For some time the judge refused. Finally, however, he gave in, “so that she won’t eventually wear me out with her coming!” Jesus was telling us to not give up, but to pray persistently for the desires of our hearts.

I have based my life on my belief in the power and importance of prayer. That’s why I agreed to chair the National Day of Prayer Task Force. And it is why Jim and I have made prayer the cornerstone of our marriage. Consistent prayer can also undergird and sustain your marital relationship through the years. We encourage the two of you to bow before our great, loving God—tonight and every night.

Shirley M Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Manipulating Our Maker?

 

“If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” 1 John 5:14

It’s tempting for some of us to view our Lord as a heavenly “Mr. Fix‐It”—a supernatural problem solver who can be manipulated according to our whims. We might make a little wager on our favorite football team and then pray for God to intervene so our team will win. Or on the day of the church picnic, we might pray for a rainstorm so we don’t have to fix that potato salad we promised to bring.

Others see prayer as a negotiating tool. They want to make a deal with God: “Lord, if You give me this promotion at work… or allow me to get pregnant this month…or let that car at the dealership still be on sale… then I promise I’ll do [fill in the blank] for You.”

Of course these are foolish bargains that reveal a misunderstanding of the majesty of God. He is Lord of lords, King of kings, and Creator of all heaven and earth. He is not a deal maker who allows Himself to be manipulated. Instead, He wants us to carefully consider His will for our lives before we pray. Prayer is a privilege—a direct line to the Lord’s eternal wisdom and love. Let’s not forget what a blessing it is just to come into His presence.

Just between us…

  • Have you ever tried to manipulate God through prayer?
  • How can we be sure our prayer petitions are within God’s will?
  • Do our prayers include adoration, devotion, and intercession, or do they represent merely a daily “wish list”?
  • How might our relationship change if we focused on prayer from

God’s perspective?

Heavenly Father, thank You for the privilege of bringing our requests to You. Give us a deep desire for Your will—not ours—for our marriage, and help us to shape our prayers and our priorities accordingly. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – The Family That Prays Together

 

“For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20

The day you were married, you probably knelt together and shared a prayer during your wedding ceremony. In front of family and friends, you helped cement your union through this joint conversation with the Lord. Sadly, many couples never pray together again.

Don’t misunderstand—prayer when you are alone, with a friend, in a Bible study, or in church is extremely important and valued just as much by our heavenly Father. But there is something special about prayer between husband, wife, and God that can’t be found elsewhere. It creates a spiritual connection, accountability, and a holy bond that brings strength and stability to the relationship. It can even allow you to communicate about sensitive issues that might otherwise never come out—issues that can be discussed and prayed over in a spirit of humility and purity of motive.

The old saw “The family that prays together, stays together” still applies today. We encourage you to remember it the next time you kneel in prayer.

Just between us…

  • When was our last meaningful prayer time together?
  • What’s the most common obstacle that keeps us from praying together?
  • How do you feel about praying with me?
  • How could we benefit from praying as a couple?
  • Should we schedule a regular time of prayer together?

Father, You have blessed us with each other as partners in marriage. Show us how to make prayer—together—a regular part of our life. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – The Power of Prayer

 

By Shirley Dobson

“The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:16

I’ll never forget the evening that Jim and I, exhausted after a long day, collapsed into bed without completing our usual practice of praying about many things, but especially for our children. We were almost asleep when I remembered.

“Jim,” I said, “we haven’t prayed for our kids yet today. Don’t you think we should talk to the Lord?”

It wasn’t easy, but we crawled out of bed, got on our knees, and offered yet another prayer for our children’s well‐being.

Later we learned that at the exact moment we were praying, a strange‐looking man sought by the police tried to get into the parked car where our daughter, Danae, and a girlfriend were sharing a fast‐food meal. By the grace of God, the door was locked, and Danae was able to start the car quickly and escape.

Never underestimate the power of prayer. When your petition is also for God’s will, it will bring you closer to the heavenly Father, who loves you unconditionally.

Just between us…

  • Can you share a personal example of the power of prayer?
  • As a couple, do we usually rely on prayer and God’s power, or do we usually try to solve our problems ourselves?
  • Who among our friends and family needs prayer right now?
  • How can I pray for you tonight?

Lord, thank You for the awesome power You make available to us through prayer. May all our requests honor You and help release Your best in our relationship. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – No Appointment Needed

 

“Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.” Psalm 55:17

Would you ever visit your doctor unannounced and expect him to be available to see you? Can you imagine taking a spur‐of‐the‐moment trip to the White House and immediately being ushered into the Oval Office to meet the president?

Of course you can’t. You would need an appointment first—and a very good reason for being there! Yet, amazingly, you can “drop in” on someone far more important than the president of the United States. And you can expect that He will push aside all other business to talk with you.

Our heavenly Father yearns to have a personal, loving relationship with you. What an incredible concept that is! The King of the universe—the Creator of all heaven and earth, who has no needs and no shortcomings—cares about what we think and feel. That is almost incomprehensible. He wants to spend time with you, hear about your struggles and successes, encourage you, and share His glorious plans for you. Prayer is a wonderful privilege—a chance for direct communication with our Creator. No matter how busy He may be, He always has time in His schedule for you.

Just between us…

  • What keeps us from praying more?
  • Do you sometimes feel that the Lord is not listening when you pray?
  • What specific prayer has the Lord answered for us over the years?
  • How can we work toward a more vibrant prayer life together?

Heavenly Father, how grateful we are that we can talk to You! And how blessed we are that You listen and care! Thank You, loving Lord. Graciously receive even the longings in our hearts that find no words today. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples –Protected By Prayer

 

by Cheri Fuller

The missionary rose and prepared to leave the campsite where he had spent the night en route to the city for medical supplies. He extinguished his small campfire, pulled on his canvas backpack, and hopped on his motorcycle to continue his ride through the African jungle. Every two weeks he made this two‐day journey to collect money from a bank and purchase medicine and supplies for the small field hospital where he served. When he completed those errands, he hopped on his bike again for the two‐day return trip.

When the missionary arrived in the city, he collected his money and medical supplies and was just about to leave for home when he saw two men fighting in the street. Since one of the men was seriously injured, the missionary stopped, treated him for his injuries, and shared the love of Christ with him. Then the missionary began his two‐day trek home, stopping in the jungle again to camp overnight.

Two weeks later, as was his custom, the missionary again made the journey to the city. As he ran his various errands, a young man approached him—the same man the missionary had ministered to during his previous trip. “I knew you carried money and medicine with you,” the man said, “so my friends and I followed you to your campsite in the jungle after you helped me in the street. We planned to kill you and take all the money and drugs. But just as we were about to move in and attack you, we saw twenty‐six armed guards surround and protect you.”

“You must be mistaken,” said the missionary. “I was all alone when I spent the night in the jungle. There were no guards or anyone else with me.”

“But sir, I wasn’t the only one who saw the guards. My five companions saw them, too. We counted them! There were twenty‐six bodyguards, too many for us to handle. Their presence stopped us from killing you.”

Months later, the missionary related this story to the congregation gathered at his home church in Michigan. As he spoke, one of the men listening stood up and interrupted him to ask the exact day the incident in the jungle had occurred. When the missionary identified the specific month and day of the week, the man told him “the rest of the story.”

“On the exact night of your incident in Africa, it was morning here in Michigan, and I was on the golf course. I was about to putt when I felt a strong urge to pray for you. The urge was so strong that I left the golf course and called some men of our church right here in this sanctuary to join me in praying for you. Would all you men who prayed with me that day stand up?”

The missionary wasn’t concerned with who the men were; he was too busy counting them, one by one. Finally he reached the last one. There were twenty‐six men—the exact number of “armed guards” the thwarted attacker had seen.

Looking ahead…

Do you ever find yourself so caught up in the busyness of life that you forget about or postpone a time of prayer? I’m sure the missionary in the story above is one man who was grateful his congregation took seriously the urge to pray!

My father, James Dobson Sr., also took his prayer life seriously. He was known to spend hours at a time on his knees in conversation with the Lord. At Dad’s request, the words “He Prayed” are written on the footstone of his grave. Through his example, and through God’s response, I learned firsthand the power and privilege of prayer. In the week to come let’s take a closer look at this awesome opportunity.

-James C Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples –Willing Sacrifice

 

“Love is patient, love is kind…. It is not self-seeking.” 1 Corinthians 13:4–5

Nothing does more for a marriage than the willing sacrifices made by one spouse for the other. I remember an example of this from early in our marriage. Jim and I were both teaching elementary school, and we often stayed up late during the week to grade papers. Then on the weekends, Jim spent long hours studying as he pursued his doctoral degree. I was a good sport about it, but it wasn’t easy. All our friends were fixing up their homes, buying furniture, going out for dinner, taking vacations, and having children.

Shortly after Jim began his graduate work, he told me that he realized what a difficult time it was for me. He felt that his studies were beginning to interfere with our marriage and that, as he put it, “nothing is worth that price.” He decided to postpone working on his degree so we could spend more time together. He took a very light load of classwork that semester so we could “reconnect” emotionally. I will always love and respect Jim for making that choice. He cared more about me than his personal ambition and career!

I’m sure that Tulle Ferrier, the wife of the doomed pilot, never forgot the sacrifices that must have been part of her marriage with her husband, John. I’m sure she didn’t want to lose him in that terrible crash. But I also imagine that she must have loved and appreciated living with a man who had his priorities in order—God first, others second, and self third—and that she wouldn’t have changed him for the world. That is, I believe, the essence of a successful marriage.

Shirley M Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Deny Yourself

 

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24

Television advertisers are experts at “rattling the cages” of viewers. They understand the philosophy of today’s audience: Look out for number one. That’s why we’re bombarded with slogans such as “Have it your way”; “You deserve a break today”; and “Because I’m worth it.” Their goal is to appeal to our self‐centered nature and manipulate us into buying a product. Frequently, they succeed.

The “I’m Third” approach to life is in direct contradiction to the message of these ads. And well it should be! Jesus tells us that our first obligation in following Him must be to deny ourselves—to let go of the steering wheel, so to speak, and let the Lord drive. Secondly, we are to love and care for others. Try implementing these priorities. They will lead to a better marriage in this life and eternal rewards in the next.

God first, others second, myself third. A simple phrase, but it contains far more wisdom for living life to the fullest than anything you’ll see or hear on a television ad.

Just between us…

  • Do we have an “I’m Third” kind of marriage?
  • Do we know a couple who model this philosophy?
  • How do you feel about putting my desires ahead of your own?
  • What, if anything, do we need to change to create an “I’m Third” marriage?
  • How can we specifically ask God to help us make this happen?

Dear Jesus, we hear Your invitation to follow You in a life of self-denial. Tonight we make You Lord of our marriage. Help us to live every day by Your example— in obedience to the Father and in loving service to each other. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – What a Man Needs

 

“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

Wife, do you understand the needs of your husband? Let’s face it, a man’s career is usually extremely important to his self‐esteem. He is made that way. Many women complain about their husbands’ “workaholism,” which may be valid, and yet husbands deserve thanks for the effort they invest. Compared to the man who sits around the house doing little or nothing, the hard worker is an honorable man. God has assigned two key tasks to men: to provide for and to protect their families. If your husband meets those two requirements, you need to let him know that you appreciate how hard he works.

Several years ago a survey was taken to determine what men wanted in their homes. The result was surprising: It was tranquility. Is your home a peaceful haven for your husband and your family—a place where he can “recharge his batteries” and enjoy the company of his family?

Whatever his specific needs and wants, your husband—and your marriage—will benefit immeasurably when you make him a priority in your life. Scripture says that a woman was designed to be a “helper” for her husband (who, in turn, is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church). And after all, there’s no one better for the job than you.

Just between us…

  • (wife) Do you feel that I appreciate how hard you work?
  • (wife) What do I do for you that you most appreciate?
  • (wife) What things could I do to show my love for you this week?

(wife) Heavenly Father, thank You for my husband. I want to understand and serve him in ways that refresh and encourage him. Show me how to bless him with beautiful gifts like appreciation, support, and tranquility. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Love By Serving

 

“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.” John 13:14

Husband, we’re speaking especially to you tonight. Just as selfishness is a sure marriage killer, an attitude of service and sacrifice—the “I’m Third” philosophy—is an indisputable marriage builder. We urge you to study your wife. What is it that speaks to her heart?

Are you providing that for her? Would she appreciate help with the dishes, vacuuming, or changing the baby’s diaper? Should you be more romantic? Could you put off that weekend auto show so she can visit her sister? Maybe you’d rather go fishing on Saturday, but should you watch the kids instead so your wife can have a needed day out?

Jesus gave us a classic example of service when He washed His disciples’ feet and told them to do the same for one another. Is it time for some symbolic “foot washing” in your marriage? Women are romantic creatures. God made them that way. Have you tried to understand that tender nature and sought to meet the needs it expresses?

Here’s the personal payoff: If you as a husband will address this romantic longing, your wife, being a responder, will be drawn closer to you. You’ll get the kind of attention and admiration you hope for. Try it!

Just between us…

  • (husband) When have I done a good job of “foot washing” in our marriage?
  • (husband) Do you feel I understand your romantic nature? Why or why not?
  • (husband) Have I met your needs during the past week?
  • (husband) Dear Lord, I want to become an expert at meeting my wife’s needs.

Teach me to “wash her feet” and serve my way to a great marriage. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – I Deserve It!

 

“For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.” Galatians 5:17

That sinful nature we talked about yesterday often rears its head in the form of the thought I deserve more. It leads us to demand the best deal, the lion’s share, the most credit, and the finest of everything. From earliest childhood, as we have seen, our impulse is to focus on ourselves and to disregard the needs of others.

And, yes, this “I‐deserve‐it” attitude can permeate marriages. Resentment can build over who works the hardest, who spends more than his or her share of the money, and who is not doing enough to serve the other. Anger then erupts over insignificant irritants that bubble up from the cauldron of emotions. Many fights in marriage begin with the belief that we’re being cheated in the relationship.

Beware of this trap. The minute we begin thinking that we are entitled to more, we’ve started down the slippery road to selfishness. It can devastate a relationship.

John Ferrier didn’t deserve to die in an Ohio neighborhood—but when crisis came, he chose to sacrifice for others. Jesus didn’t deserve to be nailed to a wooden cross—but out of love for the Father and for us, He allowed Himself to be crucified. This kind of sacrificial love seeks to serve, not “deserve”—and that changes everything!

Just between us…

  • What do you feel we truly deserve in this life?
  • Do you sometimes feel that you’re not getting what you deserve in our marriage?
  • Is selfishness a problem for us?

Dear Lord, we need Your Spirit at work in us to overcome our self-centered impulses. By Your grace, empower us to serve instead of to “deserve.” Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – Doing What Comes Naturally

 

“Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Psalm 51:5

Humanistic and Christian psychologists differ significantly in how they view human nature. Secular psychologists see children as born “good,” or at least “morally neutral.” They believe children learn to do wrong from parental mistakes and a corrupt society.

As Christians, however, we know otherwise. Deep within our character is a self‐will that is inborn, part of our genetic nature. We desire to control people, our circumstances, our environment—we want what we want, and we want it now. Adam and Eve demonstrated this when they ate the forbidden fruit. Toddlers stamp their little feet and throw temper tantrums. Husbands and wives illustrate the same willfulness when they argue about how to spend money—or about whether the toilet paper should roll from the front or the back. King David referred to this basic human nature when he wrote, “In sin did my mother conceive me.”

Only Jesus Christ can help us deal with the depravity that leads us to be selfish, arrogant, and disobedient. He has promised to do for us what we are powerless to accomplish on our own. Let’s talk about that.

Just between us…

  • Do you agree that humans are born with a bent toward sin? Why or why not?
  • Is there an area of your life that used to be a struggle, but that you’ve given over to God with positive results?
  • Do you think selfishness is a problem in our marriage?
  • How can we encourage each other in this area?

Father, we admit our sinful and selfish ways. We look to You for forgiveness and healing. Thank You for Your mercies. We need Your power to change— and we reach for it together. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – I’m Third

 

from the Denver Post

Out of the sun, packed in a diamond formation and flying as one that day, the Minute Men dove at nearly the speed of sound toward a tiny emerald patch on Ohio’s unwrinkled crazy quilt below. It was a little after nine on the morning of June 7, 1958, and the destination of the Air National Guard’s jet precision team was the famed Wright‐Patterson Air Force Base, just outside Dayton.

On the ground, thousands of faces looked upward as Colonel Walt Williams, leader of the Denver‐based Sabrejet team, gauged a high‐speed pull‐out. For the Minute Men pilots—Colonel Williams, Captain Bob Cherry, Lieutenant Bob Odle, Captain John Ferrier, and Major Win Coomer—the maneuver was routine, for they had given their show hundreds of times before millions of people.

Low across the fresh, green grass the jet stream streaked, far ahead of the noise of the planes’ own screaming engines. Judging his pull‐up, Colonel Williams pressed the microphone button on top of his throttle: “Smoke on—now!” The diamond of planes pulled straight up into the turquoise sky, a bush tail of white smoke pluming out behind. The crowd gasped as the four ships suddenly split apart, rolling to the four points of the compass and leaving a beautiful, smoky fleur‐de‐lis inscribed on the heavens. This was the Minute Men’s famed “flower burst” maneuver. For a minute the crowd relaxed, gazing at the tranquil beauty of the huge, white flower that had grown from the lush Ohio grasslands to fill the great bowl of sky.

Out on the end of his stem of the flower, Colonel Williams turned his Sabre hard, cut off the smoke trail, and dropped the nose of his F86 to pick up speed for the low‐altitude crossover maneuver. Then, glancing back over his shoulder, he froze in terror. Far across the sky to the east, John Ferrier’s plane was rolling. He was in trouble. And his plane was headed right for the small town of Fairborn, on the edge of Patterson Field. In a moment, the lovely morning had turned to horror. Everyone saw; everyone understood. One of the planes was out of control.

Steering his jet in the direction of the crippled plane to race after it, Williams radioed urgently, “Bail out, John! Get out of there!” Ferrier still had plenty of time and room to eject safely. Twice more Williams issued the command: “Bail out, Johnny! Bail out!”

Each time, Williams was answered only by a blip of smoke.

He understood immediately. John Ferrier couldn’t reach the mike button on the throttle because both hands were tugging on a control stick locked in full‐throw right. But the smoke button was on the stick, so he was answering the only way he could—squeezing it to tell Walt he thought he could keep his plane under enough control to avoid crashing into the houses of Fairborn.

Suddenly, a terrible explosion shook the earth. Then came a haunting silence. Walt Williams continued to call through the radio, “Johnny? Are you there? Captain, answer me!”

No response.

Major Win Coomer, who had flown with Ferrier for years, both in the Air National Guard and with United Airlines, and who had served a combat tour with him in Korea, was the first Minute Man to land. He raced to the crash scene, hoping to find his friend alive.

Instead, he found a neighborhood in shock from the awful thing that had happened. Captain John T. Ferrier’s Sabrejet had hit the ground midway between four houses, in a backyard garden. It was the only place where he could have crashed without killing people. The explosion had knocked a woman and several children to the ground, but no one had been hurt, with the exception of Johnny Ferrier. He had been killed instantly.

A steady stream of people began coming to Coomer as he stood in his flying suit beside the smoking, gaping hole in the ground where his best friend had just died.

“A bunch of us were standing together, watching the show,” an elderly man with tears in his eyes told Coomer. “When the pilot started to roll, he was headed straight for us. For a second, we looked right at each other. Then he pulled up right over us and put it in there.”

In deep humility, the old man whispered, “This man died for us.”

Looking ahead…

A few days after this tragic accident, John Ferrier’s wife, Tulle, found a worn card in his billfold. On it were the words “I’m Third.” That simple phrase exemplified the life—and death—of this courageous man. For him, God came first, others second, and himself third.

True to his philosophy, John Ferrier sacrificed his life for people he had never met. If you ever found yourself in a similar situation, would you do the same? In the coming week we’re going to ask how one develops the attitude of a servant.

– James C. Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – I Love You!

 

“This is my command: Love each other.” John 15:17

One of the best ways to sustain true love between you and your mate is to build a bridge of loving memories. I am reminded of a husband named Jim who was tragically killed in an accident while driving home from work. It was his wife Carol’s fiftieth birthday. Rescue teams found two plane tickets to Hawaii in his pocket; he had planned to surprise Carol with them.

Months later, Carol was asked how she was coping. She answered that on their wedding day, she and Jim had promised to say “I love you” before noon each day of their marriage. Over the years it had become a fun—and often difficult—challenge. She recalled running down the driveway saying “I love you,” even though she was angry at Jim. On other occasions she drove to his office to drop a note in his car before the noon deadline. The effort it took to keep that promise led to many positive memories of their years together.

The morning Jim died, he left a birthday card in the kitchen, then slipped out to the car. Carol heard the engine starting and raced outside. She banged on the car window until he rolled it down, then yelled over the roar of the engine, “Here on my fiftieth birthday, Mr. James E. Garret, I, Carol Garret, want to go on record as saying ‘I love you!’”

“That’s how I’ve survived,” Carol said later. “Knowing that the last words I said to Jim were I love you!”

We can build bridges across the span of our lives in many ways— with cards and flowers, through special shared moments, or, like Jim and Carol, with a simple “I love you” expressed each day. Cherished memories established over the course of your marriage will give you and your mate the foundation for a genuine love that endures a lifetime.

Shirley M. Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – The Moment Life Begins

 

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

I f you and your mate genuinely want to experience true love— the kind that lasts throughout eternity—you must face the truth about your standing before God. According to the Bible, we are all born with a sinful nature (Romans 3:23). This sin problem prevents us from living God’s way, whether as individuals or as a married couple. In fact, unresolved sin will block even your best efforts to have a successful marriage, because the inescapable outcome of sin is slavery to our worst impulses and—eventually—death (Romans 6:23).

But there is a wonderful alternative! Jesus Christ paid the price for your sin through His death on the cross. And through His miraculous resurrection, He rescued you from eternal destruction. You can reach out in faith to receive your free gift of new life. Jesus put the Good News this way: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

It really is that simple: If you choose to repent of your sin and receive the gift of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ, you will be forgiven and receive His gift of eternal life.

If you do not know Jesus Christ in this intimate way, we invite you to offer the following prayer tonight. For every human being who invites Jesus into his or her heart, that is the moment real life begins!

Just between us…

  • Have each of us made a choice to receive God’s gift of salvation?
  • If not, what is keeping us from making that choice?

God, I am a sinner in need of You. I can’t live right or hope for eternal life on my own. Please forgive my sins. I believe that Jesus Christ is Your only Son. You sent Him to die in my place and set me free from sin. Thank You! Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

Night Light for Couples – The Third Party

 

“No one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 3:11

To experience genuine love with our mate, we must bring a third party into the equation—Jesus Christ. Only through this spiritual connection with Him can we begin to fulfill all the potential of the relationship we call marriage.

Anyone who studies the Bible will recognize numerous principles woven throughout that apply to married life. Judeo‐Christian values have effectively guided men and women from the beginning. These values were inspired by the Creator Himself, the originator of the institution of marriage. No matter what society says, or how laws change, the precepts that make up this scriptural system remain the way to find love and happiness in life.

Establishing a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is the critical first step toward attaining every meaningful goal, including the intimacy we all seek. If you haven’t already given your heart to Him, we urge you to do so. It will bring meaning and purpose to every dimension of your life—including your marriage. Tomorrow we’ll explain how.

Just between us…

  • How have we been putting biblical principles to work in our marriage?
  • How can I encourage you to spend more time in God’s Word?
  • Have we both personally invited Jesus Christ to be Lord of our lives and of our marriage? If not, can we take that life‐changing step right now?

Lord Jesus, You are the foundation of our marriage. Help us look to You and Your strength in every way as we build a life together. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson