In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. Psalm 22:4

A husband and wife on vacation at a lake didn’t notice their three‐year‐old son Billy wandering toward the dock to investigate a boat. He tried to stretch his short legs from the dock to the boat, but didn’t quite make it—and fell into six‐feet‐deep water. The splash brought Dad running. He dove into the murky water, groping with his arms and legs trying to find Billy. His lungs nearly bursting, he pushed toward the surface—and touched Billy, whose arms were locked around a piling four feet underwater. Dad pried him loose, and they hit the surface together, gasping for air. When they had recovered,

Dad asked little Billy what he was doing hanging onto that piling. Billy’s answer: “Just waitin’ for you, Dad.” When his life was on the line, Billy knew his dad would come through. It’s true that fathers bear heavy responsibility for the welfare and protection of their children. We parents have a tough assignment, but most of us wouldn’t have it any other way. The most difficult, important, and wonderful task of all is to teach our kids to trust their heavenly Father even more than they depend on Dad.

Just between us…

• Did you as a child ever have a close call like Billy’s?
• Was your father there for you?
• Are we teaching our kids to depend on the Lord? How can we learn to trust God as much as Billy trusted his dad?

Father, we praise You that You are strong and trustworthy at all times. We say with the psalmist—“The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” May our words, attitudes, and behavior model complete trust in You as a way of life in our home. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure…. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God.” 2 Corinthians 1:8–9

In my (jcd’s) book When God Doesn’t Make Sense, I wrote about the burdensome situations in life that we can’t understand. Some are painful or life‐threatening, others are simply inconvenient or uncomfortable. We know that God could eliminate these problems with a whisper, but, instead, He allows us to struggle.

Why? One of His greater purposes is to reveal His power to us. This understanding comes straight from the apostle Paul who wrote, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels [clay pots], that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us” (2 Corinthians 4:7, kjv).

Instead of accepting the irritations of life, many people struggle with what I call the “if onlys.” “If only I didn’t have diabetes (or deafness or sinus infections).” “If only I were not infertile.” “If only I hadn’t gotten into that bad business relationship (or lawsuit or loveless marriage).” “If only we didn’t have a sick child.” “If only we weren’t so strapped financially.”

Are you struggling with “if onlys” today? If so, we encourage you to release them to God. He has a perfect, loving plan for all of your life— even when life seems less than ideal. We may not see why God allows hardship in our lives, but we can be assured it is part of His eternal plan for our good. He asks us to accept His love and reach in humble dependence for His sufficiency.

Just between us…

• Have we become discouraged by “if onlys” in our lives?
• Can we learn to depend on the Lord at this point of need? Has God been able to use our “if onlys” for His purposes?

Lord, help us rely on Your great love for us even when we feel weighed down by disappointments. Comfort and strengthen us in our need. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Seven‐year‐old Chris Krebs was born with cerebral palsy and was profoundly retarded. One day he and his father, Greg, sat in a hospital lounge waiting for Mrs. Krebs, who worked at the hospital. Another man, shabbily dressed and emanating a peculiar aroma, was also waiting there. He looked like a bum or derelict. Greg went to the nurses’ station and asked how much longer his wife would be. When he returned, he saw Chris sitting by the man. The man was sobbing, and Greg wondered what Chris had done to disturb him.

“I’m sorry if my son offended you,” Greg said.

The man replied, “Offended me? Your son is the only person who has hugged me in the last twenty years!” Greg later said, “I realized at that moment Chris had a more Christ-like love for this man than I did.”

Although disrespect for the disabled or less fortunate is characteristic of our culture, we know there is no “junk” in God’s value system. He loves every one of us the same. He sees our potential, and He uses each person to accomplish some part of His purpose. As His children, we’re called to look at everyone through the lens of His perfect love.

When we show compassion and respect to the people who cross our paths from day to day, we are also likely to treat our spouse the same way. It all begins with a spirit of loving‐kindness.

Just between us…

• Has anyone ever unexpectedly modeled Christ’s love to you?
• How can we encourage each other to see value and potential in everyone we meet?

Father, may we always be sensitive to the needs and value of other people. Help us to share Your love to them, no matter who they are. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine… and go to look for the one that wandered off?” Matthew 18:12

I f you are parents of small children, you know exactly how the shepherds mentioned in the Bible felt as they watched over their flocks. Even for a mother with “eyes in the back of her head,” keeping one active child from wandering off can seem as big a challenge as corralling a hundred sheep!

Jesus is called a shepherd, too, but His flock is all of humanity and He watches over us day and night. That’s why He called Himself the Good Shepherd. He came to earth to die so that not one soul would have to be lost. During His earthly ministry, He was always on the lookout for lost souls. He stayed up late to talk to Nicodemus (John 3:2). He wouldn’t let Zacchaeus hide unnoticed in a tree (Luke 19:5). And when the Pharisees were about to stone a despised adulteress, Jesus intervened with a message of forgiveness and direction—“Go, and sin no more” (John 8:11).

Every day, we have divine appointments to lead others into God’s flock—not just our family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers, but also people we’ve never met before and may never see again. God’s wisdom and power are at our disposal. We just have to keep our eyes open.

Just between us…

• Do you see Jesus as your Good Shepherd? Why or why not?
• As a couple, are we watching for “lost sheep”?
• How can we be more watchful for opportunities to reach unbelievers? Is there anyone “lost” with whom we can talk this week?

Lord Jesus, show us how to demonstrate Your great love and compassion to those around us. We, too, want to be shepherds of lost souls. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“A wise man’s heart guides his mouth.” Proverbs 16:23

Isn’t it curious how in the midst of a nasty family argument we can shake our bad mood the instant the telephone rings or a neighbor knocks on the door? Have you ever been brought up short by a small voice questioning such a sudden turn to peaches and cream after twenty minutes of fire and brimstone? Sometimes we treat those we love the worst, and kids are quick to recognize this hypocrisy.

Mark Hatfield, a longtime senator from Oregon and the father of four, said his wife once stung him by saying, “I just wish you were as patient with your children as you are with your constituents.” He isn’t alone. We’re all guilty at times of what might be called “split vision”— treating acquaintances with forbearance while losing patience or even heaping contempt on those under our own roof. We assume the worst. We pounce on every shortcoming. We never miss an opportunity to harangue. In the process, we wound the people we care about most.

It’s time we cut one another a little slack at home. If we say our spouses, children, and parents are the most significant people in our lives, we can prove it by showing them the same kindnesses we would bestow on our most honored guests.

Just between us…

• Are we as patient with each other at home as we are with guests and strangers?
• Why do you think we can be so hard on each other?
• How can we encourage each other to avoid this kind of “split vision”?

Father, open our eyes to see one another the way You do. Forgive us for the laziness and selfishness that so easily sour our family relationships. Help us guard our words and actions so that we may be pleasing in Your sight. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

by Nancy Dahlberg

One year our family spent the holidays in San Francisco with my husband’s parents. Christmas was on a Sunday that year, and in order for us to be back at work on Monday, we had to drive the four hundred miles back home to Los Angeles on Christmas Day.

When we stopped for lunch in King City, the restaurant was nearly empty. We were the only family, and ours were the only children. I heard Erik, our one‐year‐old, squeal with glee: “Hi there. Hi there.” He pounded his fat baby hands—whack, whack—on the metal tray of the high chair. His face was alive with excitement, eyes wide, gums bared in a toothless grin. He wriggled, chirped, and giggled. Then I saw the source of his merriment—and my eyes could not take it all in at once. It was a man wearing a tattered rag of a coat, obviously bought eons ago, and dirty, greasy, worn pants. His toes poked out of used‐to‐be shoes, and his shirt had ring‐around‐the‐collar all over. He had a face like none other—with gums as bare as Erik’s. “Hi there, baby,” the disheveled man said.

“Hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster.” My husband and I exchanged a look that was a cross between “What do we do?” and “Poor devil.” Our meal came, and the cacophony continued. Now the old bum was shouting from across the room: “Do you know patty‐cake? Atta boy—do ya know peek‐a‐boo? Hey, look—he knows peek‐a‐boo!”

Erik continued to laugh and answer, “Hi there.” Every call was echoed. Nobody thought it was cute. The guy was a drunk and a disturbance. I was embarrassed. My husband, Dennis, was humiliated. Even our six‐year‐old said, “Why is that old man talking so loud?”

As Dennis went to pay the check, he whispered for me to get Erik and meet him in the parking lot. Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik, I prayed as I bolted for the door.

It was soon obvious that both the Lord and Erik had other plans. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back, trying to sidestep him—and any air he might be exhaling. As I did, Erik, with his eyes riveted on his new friend, leaned far over my arm and reached out with both hands in a baby’s “pick me up” position.

In the split second of balancing my baby and turning to counter his weight, I came eye‐to‐eye with the old man. Erik was lunging for him, arms spread wide.

The bum’s eyes both asked and implored, “Would you let me hold your baby?”

There was no need for me to answer because Erik propelled himself from my arms into the man’s. Suddenly a very old man and very young baby clutched each other in a loving embrace. Erik laid his tiny head upon the man’s ragged shoulder. The man’s eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands—roughened by grime and pain and hard labor—gently, so gently, cradled my baby’s bottom and stroked his back.

I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms for a moment, and then his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm, commanding voice, “You take care of this baby.”

Somehow I managed to squeeze the words “I will” from a throat that seemed to have a stone lodged in it.

He pried Erik from his chest—unwillingly, longingly—as though he were in pain.

I held my arms open to receive my baby, and again the gentleman addressed me.

“God bless you, ma’am. You’ve given me my Christmas gift.” I could only mutter, “Thanks.” With Erik back in my arms, I hurried toward the car. Dennis wondered why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly and saying, “My God, my God, forgive me.”

Looking ahead…

Imagine for a moment viewing the world from a baby’s perspective. Everything would fascinate you: the bright colors, the strange noises, and most certainly, the people. You’d want to touch, taste, and explore each one. Would you avert your eyes at the sight of a friendly bum? Of course not—even if he was toothless. Curious and trusting, you would return the bum’s smile, then hold out your hands to give him a hug.

Babies see the world in a different light, don’t they? They don’t worry about what others think, and they don’t prejudge others on the basis of appearance. Unfortunately, as adults we tend to go “blind”—to each other and to those around us—to what God is doing in our world. This week we’ll talk about how we can learn to see in a fresh way— through God’s loving eyes.

– James C Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us…!” 1 John 3:1

It’s no coincidence that we started this week’s look at generosity with a story about a little boy. Children are often our best teachers.

Years ago during the week of my birthday, our family decided to go for a leisurely stroll through our local shopping center. Ryan, who was eight at the time, opened his piggybank and took out five dollars he had been saving for something special. As we walked along, window shopping and enjoying being together, Ryan announced that he wanted to have some time alone to go to the toy store and pet shop. We set a time and place where we would meet, and off he went. In about thirty minutes, he came walking up with a grin that stretched from ear to ear.

Ryan said, “Here, Mom, this is for your birthday. But you can open it right now!” By the look on his face, it was obvious that he felt strongly about my opening the gift right there in the middle of the mall. So we found a nearby bench. He announced his present had cost a lot of money. (He had spent the entire five dollars on it.)

As shoppers filed by, he watched excitedly while I carefully unwrapped the package. Gazing down at its contents, I was suddenly filled with emotion. His present wasn’t anything he could have found in a toy or pet store. It wasn’t even something you’d expect to receive from an eight‐year‐old boy. There in my lap was a lovely desk set. The ostrich‐feathered white pen looked like an old‐fashioned quill that Ben Franklin might have used to sign the Declaration of Independence. The stand was padded in matching white, with a spray of pink flowers delicately painted around the edges.

My eyes brimmed with tears as I hugged and thanked my son for such an extravagant gift. It has been many years since that day, and I still treasure that pen as a reminder of Ryan’s spontaneous gift of love.

Most of us are too inclined to keep our purses or wallets shut tight against the opportunities for giving that are all around. Or when we give, we give what’s convenient or interesting to us, not to the recipient.

In our marriages, we have so many chances to practice childlike, unrestrained generosity—with no ulterior motive, necessity, or expectation in mind. The more we give and receive that kind of love, the more we will experience the love of God in our homes. I think the apostle John had something like “unrestrained generosity” in mind when he wrote, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1).

– Shirley M Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” Proverbs 11:25

In 1985, Tim Burke achieved a lifelong dream—in fact, almost every boy’s dream—when he signed to pitch for the Montreal Expos. He quickly proved his worth by setting a record for the most relief appearances by a rookie. In the years that followed, Tim and his wife, Christine, adopted four children born with serious illnesses or defects. Neither Tim nor Christine was prepared for the tremendous demands such a family would bring. And with a grueling schedule, Tim was seldom around to help.

In 1993, only three months after signing a new, $600,000 contract, Tim decided to retire. When asked about his amazing decision, he said, “Baseball is going to do just fine without me. But I’m the only father my children have.”

You might ask yourselves as a couple, “Does our current lifestyle, and our dreams and goals, fit with God’s desire that we have a generous spirit?” Tim Burke’s generous spirit caused him to give up his career dream, as well as the wealth it brought. Yet in the end, his act will be worth the sacrifice—his marriage and the well‐being of four lives God placed in his care will reap eternal dividends. That’s God’s idea of a brilliant career move!

Just between us…

• Have you ever had to give up any of your dreams for someone?
• How do you feel now about those old dreams?
• What new dreams do you have for yourself and for us as a couple?
• How can we help each other achieve them?

Dear Lord, we surrender together whatever selfish dreams or ambitions are keep- ing us from the larger life You have in mind for us. Show us Your better idea. We want to do Your will with joy and expectation, because we trust You. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12

While standing in line at a grocery store checkout a few years ago, I (jcd) noticed that the elderly woman in front of me had filled her cart with more food than she could pay for. “I just don’t understand where my money is,” she said as she desperately searched the depths of her purse. I whispered to the checker, “Total her bill, then accept whatever money she has, and put the rest on my bill.” I paid an extra eight dollars to make up the difference. The old woman never knew I had helped her, but after she shuffled away, the checker had big tears in her eyes.

“I’ve been doing this work for twenty years,” she said, “and I’ve never seen anyone do something like that before.”

It was no big deal—an insignificant eight dollars—yet kind gestures are so rare today that many people find them shocking. As a husband and wife commissioned to demonstrate God’s compassion to our world, we can make a tremendous impact through simple acts of kindness.

Just between us…

• What small kindness did I do for you this week that you appreciated?
• Am I treating you and others around us as kindly as I should?
• How does “shocking kindness” contribute to our witness for Christ?
• How can we be shockingly kind more often?

O Lord, Your kindness changed us forever. Your love broke into our lives most unexpectedly. Thank You so much! Empower us to love just like that. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“[The righteous] are always generous and lend freely; their children will be blessed.” Psalm 37:26

Be careful what you say in the presence of your babies. That’s the advice of a researcher at Johns Hopkins University, who tells us that children only eight months of age are capable of hearing and remembering words, good and bad. In a study by Dr. Peter Juscyzk, babies were exposed to three recorded stories for a period of about ten days. When they were tested in the lab two weeks later, they clearly recognized the words in the stories but failed to respond to those they hadn’t heard. According to Robin Chapman, a University of Wisconsin language specialist, the study demonstrates that very young children attend to the sounds of language and are able to pick out those that are familiar. Chapman concludes that “a lot of language learning is happening in the first year of life.”

Whether we like it or not, almost everything we say and do is observed and recorded—by the patrolman with a radar gun, by the convenience store video camera, and even by our young children. If our marriage models a spirit of generosity worth imitating, it will lead to blessings for everyone.

Just between us…

• What are some of your earliest memories of your parents’ words and actions?
• If we videotaped ourselves, would we be pleased by what we saw?
• Besides each other, whom do we influence with our everyday words and deeds? Are we modeling a spirit of generosity for them?

Lord, we know that our every action has a tremendous impact on those around us, and we want to be mature, responsible and positive ambassadors for You. Help us glorify You in how we think, act, and speak. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.” 1 Timothy 6:18

After their meeting ran late, five out‐of‐town salesmen hurried as fast as they could to catch their train. As they raced through the terminal, one inadvertently kicked over a slender table on which rested a basket of apples. It belonged to a ten‐year‐old blind boy who was selling apples to pay for his books and clothes for school. The salesmen clambered aboard the train, but one felt compassion for the boy. He asked his friends to call his wife and tell her he would be late getting home.

Then he jumped off the train and returned to where the boy was standing. As the salesman gathered up the apples scattered across the floor, he noticed that several were bruised or split. Reaching into his pocket, he said to the boy, “Here’s twenty dollars for the apples we damaged. I hope we didn’t spoil your day. God bless you.” As he walked away, the boy called after him,

“Are you Jesus?”

We are most like Christ when we show compassion and generosity to others. Jesus said, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40). We reflect His character whether we’re helping someone less fortunate or giving our mate a back rub at the end of the day.

Just between us…

• How do our interactions with others reflect the character of Jesus?
• When was the last time we stopped to help another person in need?
• How do you feel when you show compassion to someone else?

Lord, we ask that Your extravagant love would flow through us each day to touch those around us. Show us how to serve, to help, and to give without expecting anything in return. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

We’ve talked about the powerful influence others have on the way we see ourselves. Yet we should always remember that true value is granted by the One who created us in the first place. There is no greater sense of self‐worth than knowing that He is acquainted with me personally; that He values me more than the possessions of the entire world; that He understands my fears and anxieties; that He reaches out to me when no one else cares; that He can turn my liabilities into assets and my emptiness into fullness; and that He has a place prepared for me—one where earthly pain and suffering will be but a dim memory.

Indeed, the Lord of the universe places so much value on us that He gave His life to save us. What a fantastic message of hope and encouragement for those who are broken and discouraged! This is self‐worth at its richest—dependent not on the whims of birth or physical attractiveness or social judgment, but on the decree of our loving Lord.

Just between us…

• Do we base our self‐image on the Lord’s divine decree?
• What is it that really makes you feel valuable?
• Do I let you know often enough how much I value you?
• How can I better show how much I appreciate you?
• How can we remember that our worth as human beings is determined not by what we do or how we look or what we own, but by the fact that we are children of God?

Lord, we want so much to view ourselves and others from an eternal perspective. May we build our lives together on Your grand scheme, not on what is temporary and insignificant. Help us to live each day by the truth of Your divine decree. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap… yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!” Luke 12:24

Although the battle for healthy self‐confidence is most often fought by women, many men also struggle with the issue. Unlike a woman, a man derives his sense of worth primarily from the reputation he earns in his job or profession. He draws emotional satisfaction from achieving in business, becoming financially independent, developing a highly respected skill, being the “boss,” or being loved and appreciated by his patients, clients, or business associates. When his career fails, however, look out.

His confidence often falters, and he becomes vulnerable. Depression, anger, and withdrawal are just some of his potential responses. Wives, here’s something to remember: More than anything, your man needs your respect. Compliment him on the qualities you most admire in him. Avoid comments that debase or embarrass him—especially in the eyes of others. As much as is reasonably possible, understand and support his career, but also create such an affirming atmosphere at home that he will be happy to leave career concerns at the office.

The better you understand your differences, the more you’ll appreciate the gift that is your mate.

Just between us…

• (wife) What achievement are you proudest of?
• (wife)
• Are you satisfied with the current state of your career?
• (wife) How can I help you with your career?
• (wife) How can I show more respect for you and what you do?

(wife) Father, thank You for my husband—for the energy, skills, and ambitions you’ve placed in him. Help him to know that You love him no matter how he performs, and please help me show him the honor and respect I feel. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson