by Nancy Jo Sullivan

I ordered a bag of popcorn at the snack bar while my girls scurried through the department store searching for Christmas gifts. I yawned as the clerk handed me my snack. I could barely keep my eyes open.

We had just moved into a new home. In between unpacking boxes, I had baked cookies, wrapped presents, and written cards of greeting. So far the holidays had left me feeling depleted of energy. I wanted to feel close to God, especially in this season, but I hadn’t had time for prayer and quiet reflection.

As I settled into a booth, I noticed an old man standing near the store entryway. Though his face was wrinkled, his eyes twinkled with the energy of youth. He was ringing a Salvation Army bell.

I watched as he danced around his red coin kettle, bobbing and turning to the rhythm of his own footsteps. Ringing his bell in carefully timed beats, he waved and smiled to those who passed him by.

“Joy to the world… mmm… the Lord is come.”

Soon a woman made her way past the singing man. She was wearing a Christmas‐tree sweater, her brow was furrowed, and she carried several shopping bags.

“No joy for the Lord?” the old man called out to her. The woman sighed and rolled her eyes. She hurried to her car. I watched as people hustled past the man. Most of them ignored him. Everyone seemed preoccupied with balancing their bags and boxes of presents.

A businessman with a cell phone walked past the dancing bell ringer.

“Let every heart… mmm… Prepare him room…” the old man sang.

The sound of his bell and the beeping noise from the cash registers forced the businessman to shout into the phone. He reminded me of how all my seasonal obligations made me feel. I was trying to find a way to converse with God, but so far I hadn’t gotten a good connection.

As busy shoppers made a wide perimeter around the bell ringer, an old woman, her back hunched and her gait slow, approached him. She smiled as she clicked open a tattered purse and dropped four quarters into the slotted red pail.

The man took off his ear‐muffed hat and bowed to her. “May I have this dance?” he asked. The woman blushed and began to giggle. As she drew herself up, her wrinkles seemed to fade. The two of them began to shuffle around the store entry, the old man gently guiding the frail woman in graceful glides and turns.

“Joy to the world… the Savior reigns…” their voices rang out in happy unison.

As I watched, I found myself wanting to join their department store waltz. Theirs was a dance of joy, unencumbered by stress or preoccupation—a dance of praise that proclaimed anew the tender message of old:

“Joy to the world… the Lord is come!”

Later that night, as my family slept upstairs, I curled up on the couch in our family room. After turning on my favorite holiday CD, I drank a cup of tea in front of our brightly lit tree. Soon the notes of “Joy to the World” filled the room.

I could almost hear the Lord say, “May I have this dance?”

LOOKING AHEAD …

Like the woman in the Christmas‐tree sweater and the businessman with the cell phone, so few people seem to experience joy. No matter what time of year it is, they are preoccupied with the stress of the season and have either rejected or forgotten the joy that Jesus offers.

Yet none of us needs to live this way, for believers in the Lord know an eternal joy that ultimately transcends any hardship experienced in this world. Even in the midst of trials, He stands ready to lead us out of our suffering into His wonderful presence.

This next week we’ll talk about how to choose joy in our marriages and in our lives. We can learn to rejoice and praise Him every day. The Lord has come!

– James C Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Those who honor me I will honor.” 1 Samuel 2:30

I can’t think of a better example of honor between husband and wife than the biblical account of Queen Esther and Xerxes, king of Persia, in the book of Esther. The young queen was faced with a terrible dilemma: Her people, the Jews, were to be killed as part of a ruthless plot concocted by one of the king’s most powerful nobles. Yet by law, no one, not even the queen, was allowed to approach the king without being summoned.

Esther relied on the principle of honor to protect her in this predicament. After fasting and, I’m sure, praying for three days, she went to the inner court of the palace. Rather than barging in, she waited patiently in the king’s hall. When the king saw Esther, he invited her in. She showed further respect for Xerxes by touching his scepter when she arrived. When the king asked her why she had come, Esther did not answer immediately. Instead, she invited the king to a banquet she had prepared, thus paying further tribute to her husband. At the banquet, she invited the king to yet another banquet the next day. Only then did she finally make her request known.

Every time Esther addressed her husband, she conveyed sincere respect. She used phrases such as “if it pleases the king”; “if [the king] regards me with favor and thinks it the right thing to do”; and “if I have found favor with you, O king.” Xerxes responded by honoring his wife—and granting her request! Through her courage and conduct, the Jews were spared a holocaust. In fact, King Xerxes went further: The evil noble was hanged, and the Jews were given new privileges and rights in the kingdom.

Our nature as humans is to criticize our spouse or complain about his or her shortcomings. Yet there is something attractive—and very compelling—about approaching each other as husband or wife with the deep respect and honor we would show royalty. I urge you to try approaching each other in just this way—even when you do not feel particularly close. Your reward will be a home environment that is more loving, positive, and enjoyable than you ever thought possible.

– Shirley M Dobson

• From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Humility comes before honor.” Proverbs 15:33

Mr. Smith learned that his neighbor, Mr. Jones, had presented flowers and a gift to Mrs. Jones five nights in a row. He thought, That must be what wins a woman’s heart. So Smith went out and bought a big box of candy and a bouquet of his wife’s favorite flowers. Arriving home a little early that afternoon, he rang the doorbell. When Mrs. Smith appeared, he passionately embraced her. Suddenly she sagged and fell in a heap on the floor. “My goodness! What’s wrong?” he exclaimed. When she regained consciousness, she explained. “Oh, this has been the worst day! Our son received a terrible report card; Mother was admitted to the hospital; the roast burned; the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk!”

If your partner can’t even fathom the possibility that you would bring her flowers or a gift (or some similar surprise), take the hint. It’s time to work on honoring your mate!

Just between us…

• Would you be shocked if I brought you flowers or some other gift?
• What’s the best surprise I ever gave you?
• What kind of thoughtful gesture would be enjoyable and honoring to you?
• Do you prefer being surprised in front of friends or in private?

Lord, we confess that the hurly-burly pace of living often threatens to suffo- cate our relationship. Remind us to care for each other. Help us to encourage others who are struggling in their marriages. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“A friend loves at all times.” Proverbs 17:17

There is a limit to the openness we have described. It can be used to create insecurity and gain power over your spouse. I (jcd) know of a handsome young company president who told his wife every day about the single women at the office who flirted with him. His candor was admirable, but by not also stressing his commitment to his wife, he was saying (consciously or not): “You’d better treat me right because there are plenty of women out there just waiting to get their hands on me.” His wife began to fret about how she would hang onto her husband.

He should have reflected on his real motives for alarming his wife. Did this kind of sharing nurture or injure his friendship with her? And she could have helped redirect the conversations by pointing out to her husband—in a calm, nonthreatening manner—how his words made her feel.

If you reveal your inner feelings honestly, with pure motives, and continually reaffirm your commitment to your marriage, your spouse will become your most treasured confidante, protector, adviser, and friend. After forty years of marriage, I can happily report that Shirley and I are best, intimate friends—in no small part because we’ve earned each other’s trust.

Just between us…

• Have you shown me the “real” you?
• How should we respond when our partner shares a weakness?
• How can I be a better friend?

Father, thank You so much that my spouse and I are lifetime partners. But we want to always be best and dearest friends, too. Bless us with Your wisdom, grace, and power to this end, we pray. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” 1 Corinthians 10:12

The surest way to build trust in marriage is through your actions. Build a record of choices and deeds that proves to your partner you can be trusted at all times.

Take flirting, for example. It may be harmless to show a bit of extra friendliness to a member of the opposite sex. But ask yourself, Would my spouse feel comfortable if he or she witnessed this exchange? Would my actions earn trust, or would they raise doubt about my motives?

I (jcd) urge you to be wary of pride in your own infallibility. The minute you begin thinking that an affair “would never happen to me” is when you become most vulnerable. We are sexual creatures with powerful urges. We are also fallen beings with strong desires to do wrong. That is what temptation is all about. Do not give it a place in your life. My father once wrote, “Strong desire is like a powerful river. As long as it stays within the banks of God’s will, all will be proper and clean. But when it overflows those boundaries, devastation awaits downstream.”

Actions can affect trust in easy‐to‐overlook ways. When you promise to clean out the garage next weekend, make sure you do it. When you agree to limit your spending to a certain amount, follow through. Keeping your word in small matters builds trust in a big way.

Just between us…

• Where is the line between friendly interest and flirting?
• What actions do I take that help you trust me?
• How did Jesus establish trust with His disciples?

Lord Jesus, thank You for being our example of trustworthiness and integrity. Help us every day to turn away from temptation and compromise. We want to be true in our innermost being. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?” Proverbs 6:28

The surest way to avoid an affair is to flee temptation as soon as it confronts you. Author Jerry Jenkins has referred to this determination to preserve moral purity as “building hedges” around marriage so that temptation is never given a foothold. You take steps to protect yourself and enhance the trust level in your marriage at the same time.

How? Talk with your partner about your interactions with the opposite sex, then establish sensible, sensitive guidelines. Some couples rule out lunch with a coworker, traveling together, talking alone behind closed doors, sharing rides, or working as a “couple” on a project. Agree on what you both consider reasonable, then stick to that agreement. If you’re faced with a situation that you haven’t discussed, ask your spouse about it beforehand, and if he or she isn’t comfortable with it, don’t do it. Listen to each other’s concerns. The Lord has made you “one flesh” for good reason.

At first it may seem strange to ask for permission to take part in what’s probably a completely innocent activity. But you’ll quickly discover how wonderfully reassuring it feels when the situation is reversed and your partner is the one asking you!

Just between us…

• Are you comfortable with my behavior around members of the opposite sex?
• Is there anything I should do differently?
• Are we praying enough that God would protect us from temptation? What does Proverbs 6:28 mean to you?

Dear God, we want to protect our marriage from any threat. We want to live freely and securely as a result of having chosen to live wisely. By Your Spirit, show us how to honor each other and please You. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8

One of the great fears of many husbands and wives is that their partner will be unfaithful—an understandable concern, considering that nearly half of American marriages end in divorce, many because of infidelity. We must always be alert for Satan’s attacks on marriage.

I (jcd) remember one trap in particular that the enemy laid for me. Shirley and I had been married just a few years when we had a minor spat. I got in the car and drove around for an hour to cool off. As I was on my way home, a very attractive girl drove up beside me and smiled. She was obviously flirting with me. She slowed down, looked back, and turned onto a side street. I knew she was inviting me to follow her.

I didn’t take the bait; I went straight home and made up with Shirley. But I thought later about how quickly Satan had taken advantage of our conflict and my momentary vulnerability. That’s how he operates. Expect him to lay a trap for you, too. Just make sure your partner can count on you to come home when temptation drives up.

Just between us…

• What does God’s Word say about adultery? (We encourage you to take the time to review Exodus 20:14; Leviticus 18:20; 20:10; Proverbs 7; Malachi 3:5; Matthew 5:27–28; Mark 10:11–12; John 8:1–11; Romans 7:2–3; Ephesians 5:3–5; and Hebrews 13:4.)
• What does God promise regarding temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13)?
• How can we “affair proof ” our marriage?

Lord, please give us wisdom and strength as we seek to affair-proof our marriage. Thank You for promising us a “way of escape” from temptation. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” Song of Songs 4:16

Someone once said that in matters of sex, men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots. There is certainly some truth to that cooking analogy—husbands can reach their “boiling point” before many wives have even decided what’s on the menu! Why would God make men and women this way? Don’t our different makeups set us up for conflict when our attention turns to physical intimacy?

I believe the Lord knew just what He was doing when He established these fundamental differences between us. After all, if women were more like men, we’d all probably spend so much time in the bedroom that we’d never get anything else done. And if men were more like women, we’d enjoy many more meaningful conversations—but the species might just disappear!

Our differences are what make life so interesting and invigorating. They force us to reach out, to grow, to appreciate our partner. When a husband is extroverted and the wife is introverted, the husband draws out the wife, while the wife helps the husband take time to reflect. When a wife is spontaneous and her husband is a planner, she brings energy and excitement to his life, while he adds stability to hers.

So it is with sex. Emotional and physical differences create interest and excitement. We encourage you to celebrate them! After all, when marital partners are joined as “one flesh,” it is more than a physical union. We are merging our whole beings—body, mind, and spirit—in a wonderful and sacred encounter. This is just what your loving God intended. You can enjoy the variety that each of you brings to your marriage—no matter what you’re cooking.

– Shirley M Dobson

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson

“Where is the respect due me?” Malachi 1:6

Some years ago as I (jcd) was flipping through the TV channels, I paused momentarily to watch a “newlywed” show. It was a bad decision. The host posed a series of dumb questions to a lineup of brides whose husbands were “sequestered backstage in a soundproof room.”

The host challenged the women to predict their husband’s responses to inquiries that went something like this: “Using the TV terms ‘first run,’ ‘rerun,’ or ‘cancelled,’ how would you describe the first time you and your husband made ‘whoopee’?” Without the least hesitation, the women blurted out frank answers to this and other intimate questions. A few minutes later the men were given the same opportunity to humiliate their wives. Of course, they grabbed it.

It has been said that television programming reflects the values of the society it serves. Heaven help us if that is true. In this instance, the newlyweds revealed their immaturity, selfishness, hostility, vulnerability, and sense of inadequacy. Rather than treat their sexual relationships— and each other—with the privacy and respect they deserved, these young marrieds aired every intimate detail to a national television audience without a second thought.

Intimacy will never be achieved in the bedroom, or in any part of the marriage, when the relationship is handled in so cavalier a manner. Some facts about your life together are best kept between you and your mate.

Just between us…

• Do you feel I respect our sexual relationship?
• Do I ever reveal details about our sex life you wish I didn’t?
• How can the behavior described above damage a relationship?

Lord, thank You for the intimacy that we share. May we be quick to recognize and reject popular values that offend You and our marriage commitment. Amen.

From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson