Praying for reconciliation between Bo and Bear Rinehart

Late last week, NEEDTOBREATHE’s co-founder and former guitarist Bo Rinehart accused his older brother Bear, the band’s lead singer, of “physical, emotional, and sexual abuse” in an Instagram post. Bo also alleged sexual abuse by a counselor at his father’s church camp, and admitted to struggles with alcoholism.

Bear responded Saturday, calling the accusation “deeply painful” and “wildly misleading,” and revealing that both he and Bo were sexually abused by a teenage counselor at their father’s church camp when they were eight and six years old. Bear had previously remained private about the abuse, but spoke up “to protect my family from claims that misrepresent the truth.”

Coming not long after former Newsboys frontman Michael Tait admitted to sexually assaulting several young men, these allegations are the latest scandal in the Christian music world and mark another heartbreaking chapter in the sexual abuse scandals that have shaken the American church in recent years. They also highlight the tragic role social media plays in disputes, and our desperate need for reconciliation with one another.

A tale of two brothers

Bo and Bear Rinehart were raised by a missionary family at a church camp in Possum Kingdom, South Carolina. In a 2017 Forbes interview, Bo recalled “competing at everything” with his older brother, with whom he shared a deep love for music.

The Rinehart brothers formed NEEDTOBREATHE in 1998 while attending Furman University in South Carolina. For many years, their rivalry was the driving force behind the band’s creative endeavors, with each brother trying to outdo the other.

However, by the time NEEDTOBREATHE was recording their fifth album, 2015’s Rivers in the Wasteland, the rivalry had become toxic, even leading to blows. The brothers considered dissolving the band, but ultimately reconciled, writing the song “Brother,” which would become one of NEEDTOBREATHE’s biggest hits. Bo remained with the band for five more years before departing in 2020.

After his departure, Bo began working through substance abuse issues, as well as trauma from childhood sexual abuse. In 2023, he told People Magazine that this abuse occurred between the ages of six and sixteen at the hands of three different people.

Prior to his statement Saturday, Bear had not shared publicly about the abuse he experienced, choosing to remain private about it in order to protect his three young sons.

Five years ago, Bear and Bo participated in an intensive counseling session related to the abuse and left “with an understanding that we were two young boys trying to cope with the unimaginable.” Last week’s controversy thrust both brothers’ history of sexual abuse into the spotlight, subjecting it to intense online speculation.

Trial by social media

One of the most tragic aspects of this controversy is that two men’s childhood trauma became fodder for an online gossip mill. Shortly after the initial post, many social media users took sides, targeting both men with hateful remarks before Bear ultimately disabled comments on his Instagram account.

It’s impossible for us to know what truly happened between the brothers, but when discussing other people’s struggles, Scripture warns us against “foolish talk” (Ephesians 5:4) and urges us only to speak that “which is good for building others up” (Ephesians 4:29). Gossip harms those we are supposed to love. In this case, it added to the pain of the Rinehart brothers’ estrangement, making the restoration of their relationship more challenging than ever.

In an age of trial by social media, where private disputes can easily become public feuds, Jesus encourages us to seek reconciliation privately if we can, both with those who have wronged us and those we have wronged. “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,” Jesus told his disciples, “leave your gift before the altar” and “be reconciled to your brother” (Matthew 5:23-24).

When people wrong us, Jesus commands us to seek restoration, first one-on-one, then with other church members, with public escalation within the church as a last resort (Matthew 18:15-17). Just as God sent Jesus to reconcile us to himself (2 Corinthians 5:18), so we too ought to seek peace with one another rather than repaying “evil for evil” (Romans 12:17).

Of course, healing may not always be possible on this side of heaven. We live in a broken world, and we are all broken people. Nevertheless, it is something we are always commanded to seek.

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all,” Paul wrote in Romans 12:18. As Christians, we must always hold our hands out to those we are estranged from, even if they do not share our desire to be reconciled.

“A reconciliation only God can provide”

Bear concluded his statement by saying, “Even after all of this, I am still hopeful for a reconciliation someday with my brother that I know only God can provide.”

We serve a God who is “able to do abundantly more than all we could ask or imagine,” including restoring the most broken relationships (Ephesians 3:20). Reconciliation is a powerful image of God’s transforming grace, and we should never stop hoping or praying for it.

Today, pray for the Rinehart brothers and for those in your life in need of reconciliation.

Ask God to show you whom he wants you to be reconciled to, and ask him to guide you as you seek “to live at peace with all.” And when you have done everything in your power to pursue healing, trust God to bring the redemption that only he can.

 

 

Denison Forum