In nearly 40 years of association with collegiate athletics, one of the most notable changes has been the advent and growing presence of social media. What could not have been anticipated is the impact and influence this medium has on so many players and coaches, and on their sense of worth and well-being.

While bullying was once limited to the elementary school playground, cyberbullying has empowered a new generation of keyboard critics with the ability to belittle, shame, disparage, and denigrate with an unrelenting zeal, finding fault as if there will be an award for it. Thus, I’m not surprised that one of the most requested and popular subjects I’m asked to address in team-development sessions is how to filter the critical voices and minimize their negative impact.

Kennedy and Lincoln on the price of leadership

Too often, we think only those in leadership roles are the targets of criticism, and that it comes with the territory. And indeed, it does.

In the memoir Too Funny To Be President, Arizona congressman, the late Morris “Mo” Udall, tells of President John F. Kennedy’s response to the pundits and their endless series of columns on how his administration could do a better job. Kennedy shared a favorite story of a legendary baseball player:

“He never failed to hit when at bat and never dropped a ball. Grounders never dribbled between his legs. He threw with unerring accuracy. In the field and on the bases, he had the speed and grace of a leopard. He never tired or missed a signal. In fact, he would have been one of the all-time greats except for one thing—no one was ever able to get him to put down his beer and hot dog and come out of the press box to play” .

After one of Lincoln’s speeches, the Chicago Times wrote on November 20, 1863, a scathing editorial. A portion of those comments stated, “The cheeks of every American should be red with shame at that silly, washed-out, utterance of the man who has to be introduced to foreigners as the President of the United States.”

That “washed-out” speech was the Gettysburg Address.

Abraham Lincoln is remembered today as one of our nation’s finest Presidents. However, during his tenure, he may have been the most criticized. On one occasion, he stated, “If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what’s said against me won’t amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”

While leaders are the low-hanging fruit of critical salvoes, former Alabama football coach Nick Saban offers this humorous but wise counsel to those who would embrace such roles, “If you want to make everyone happy, don’t be a leader; sell ice cream.”

Not all opinions are created equal

Communication today, however, doesn’t arrive at a snail’s pace, nor are critical words and negative rhetoric reserved for those in leadership positions. The present world offers instantaneous, multi-platformed responses to anything said or done with no regard for context or respect for persons.

As such, every member of a team, business, church, or organization must predetermine an appropriate internal and external (if necessary) response to the inevitable and unavoidable voices of negativity and criticism. The failure to do so allows these voices to demoralize the spirit and steal away the energy your team/organization desperately needs.

While criticism is to be expected in life, it need not be taken negatively in its entirety. Critical input is vital to growth, development, and understanding. The counsel of the Wisdom writer is crucial in this regard: “If you listen to helpful correction, you live among the wise” (Proverbs 15:31).

Whether criticism is constructive or destructive is usually made evident by who is doing the criticizing and the medium through which it is delivered. While Polonius offered his son, Laertes, the parting wisdom, “Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice,” the Elizabethan era of Shakespeare’s Hamlet is a far cry from the screaming masses of today and the incessant vitriol that invades our ears.

In determining who gets your ear, you must be discerning, practical, and wise. Does the critical voice have a vested interest in you? This team/organization? Its goals, purpose, mission?

Are they knowledgeable? All critics are entitled to their opinions, but not all opinions are equally valid.

When to listen and when to walk away

Is it someone you respect? Someone with whom you share the same worldview, purpose, and direction in life? Have you valued their past opinions on other subjects?

As James Dobson wrote,

The right to criticize must be earned, even if the advice is constructive in nature. Before you are entitled to tinker with another person’s self-esteem, you are obligated first to demonstrate your respect for him as a person. When a relationship of confidence has been carefully constructed, you will have earned the right to discuss a potentially threatening topic. Your motives will have been thereby clarified (James Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women).

If the answer to the above questions is “Yes,” then the criticism should be gladly heard, knowing that the person has only good intentions and wants only for you to flourish. With a trustworthy critic such as this, we find ourselves reflecting introspectively, “What am I hearing that can be taken and applied?” Or even asking our muse, “What action steps would you see working?” This reflects well the soft answer that turns away wrath and avoids the harsh word that stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).

But what if the answer to the evaluative questions above is “No”?

The most drastic response to a chronic critic is to avoid their presence (block/delete). Shaking the dust off your feet and moving on has a biblical precedent, as Jesus instructed his disciples (Matthew 10:14, Mark 6:11, Luke 9:5), and was also followed by Paul and Barnabas (Acts 13:51).

A more productive step might be to offer insights that negate the criticism. Not everything is negative.

In a previous pastorate, I had an elderly lady who scheduled four appointments in my first six months to complain about various departments and ministries in the life of our church. After listening patiently, I brought attention to her tendency to view everything as negative, and that there is far more good in our church than negative.

I then suggested that if she were to make any future appointments to discuss things she disliked, she had to first share with me two things that she loved most about our church. For the remainder of my time there, she never made another appointment.

Unfortunately, this highlights one of the sad realities of the human dilemma: There will always be among us those with a “bent” toward the negative. Fortunately, these are the few, not the many, and we must guard against our sensitivities projecting the minority opinion onto the whole.

We can easily become like the farmer who came to town and asked the chef of a new French restaurant if he could use about a million frog legs.

“Yes,” he responded enthusiastically, “But where will you find so many frogs?”

“I have a pond at home that is filled with them,” replied the farmer, “they drive me crazy night and day.”

After they made the financial arrangements, the farmer returned home with dreams of great wealth, only a frog harvest away. About two weeks later, he came to the restaurant carrying only four frog legs. “I guess I was wrong,” he stammered. “There were just two frogs in that pond, but they sure made a lot of noise.”

The next time you are bothered by the voices of “all” the critics, just remember it may be nothing more than a couple of chronic complainers who have little to do but grouch and croak.

The best response to critical voices, however, is to be made evident in one’s work, doing it “heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” (Colossians 3:23).

The one critique that truly matters

As followers of Christ, we do not serve and labor in the faith for the applause and favorable opinions of fickle humanity. The Lord is faithful to vindicate his people and have compassion on His servants (Psalm 135:14).

The apostle Paul models well the proper attitude in the face of criticism. In a Corinthian culture of consumeristic attitudes, expressing preferences for different leaders and dividing themselves among party lines—Paul, Apollos, Cephas—the apostle makes this unexpected statement:

“But to me it is an insignificant matter that I would be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself” (1 Corinthians 4:3).

Recognizing the subjectivity of human opinion, Paul didn’t even trust his own evaluation of himself. What a redeeming place to be: to value the voice, opinion, judgment, and critique of only One—the resurrected and exalted Christ.

Curiously, this One who, alone, knows our hearts fully (Romans 8:27) and is the only One in a position of authority and power to rightly criticize, judge, and condemn chooses, instead, to redeem, forgive, and make whole.

Every other critique is incomplete and distracting noise. Concern yourself with the critique of Christ, and every other critique will lose its sting.

 

 

Denison Forum