How do you address conflict? Experts suggest several tools to help. One is active listening—using eye contact and body language to build trust, then paraphrasing to confirm understanding. In active listening, we empathize with the other person’s perspective, even if we disagree. The second tool is “I-messages.” We use I-statements (e.g., I feel frustrated when…) rather than you-statements, which communicate blame. The third tool involves finding common ground. We look for those places where we still agree—our shared values and goals. Then we brainstorm solutions.
But how do we address conflict between believers? Jesus addresses this issue in Matthew 18. Here, He is teaching His disciples about life in His kingdom, including themes of humility, the lost sheep, and forgiveness. Verses 15–20 provide an important template to use when addressing sin in the church setting. Jesus called the church community to not avoid these difficult conversations, but to approach them with compassion and a goal of restoration. He gives clear steps to follow. First, the person who has observed the sinful behavior is to approach the offender privately (v. 15). Ideally, this conversation will bring confession and forgiveness and settle the matter.
However, if the offender persists, a small delegation should approach the person, seeking truth and understanding (v. 16). If the offender still refuses to listen, the church should be made aware, and the offender should be treated like an outsider (v. 17). Finally, verses 18–20 connect this process to heavenly authority. God’s people are to know that we are not alone in navigating these difficult conversations. Jesus promised His presence with His church amid conflict resolution and restoration (v. 20).
Go Deeper
Have you applied the principles of Matthew 18 to any situations of sin or conflict resolution? What is helpful about this format?
Pray with Us
Heavenly Father, we know You deeply value unity. When we are struggling with conflict, please help us remember each of us is precious to You. Guide us to love others with compassion and patience.
Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying “I repent,” you must forgive them.Luke 17:4
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